I think I have come to the conclusion that God is perfecting me right now, right here where I am…..for now.
He knows my faults, my downfalls, my perpetual sin, and He’s trying to perfect those before He moves me on.
I’ve mentioned before having been told I would never do anything for God (and I need to seriously move past that), and I think that’s why He’s trying so hard to perfect me HERE, right now, where I sit in my every day life. How can I go somewhere overseas and teach them, when I, myself, am stuck in my mindset of being “less than”? He wants me to SEE that I am more than someone else’s mean lies told to me and FEEL them and ultimately believe the truth that only HE gives me.
It hit me last night after an hour long conversation on the phone with someone that just needed prayer, that *I* was called for a reason. And God put me in a place to be used, and to give good, solid, Godly wisdom. I think I’m always amazed that He would choose ME. I’m not eloquent in speech, I’m not a beauty queen or a snazzy dresser, and I’m seriously far from “cool”. And yet, somehow….it works. I do take my responsibility as a Youth teacher very seriously (oh yes, I’ve read the millstone around the neck verse! EEK!) and I LOVE doing it! Even when I’m so exhausted and my bed seems so much nicer to just stay in it….oh yes, I’ll admit, there are so many Sundays my first thought is “UGHHHHH”. LOL But I always have a good time and am so happy I went.
But it’s nice to know that the longing and the quickening of the heart whenever I see or hear of mission trips is still THERE, but He’s perfecting me now. Healing my heart where I am today. And when He’s done, I won’t have that fear of talking to people I don’t know, or the fear of eating yucky food (HAHAHAHA!!! Oh yes I’m a baby! LOL), or even the fear of leaving home for some place BIG. And He is certainly using me in little ways here while He’s working. And I’m loving it.