OK, I have to laugh here. I mean, good ol’ belly laugh. Seriously…
I started a blog this morning and the irony of it just makes me LAUGH. Obviously I didn’t finish THAT one…
I had begun the blog, wrote out the very first sentence:
So I’m not the trusting type.
I’ll continue from there and share the irony after.
So I’m not the trusting type. I thought I was, would like to THINK myself as trusting, but when it comes right down to it, I’m not. And that’s a shame and it’s wrong. And a sin in this context.
I am a poor tither. A very poor tither. And I’ve always felt guilty about it because I know it’s wrong, but I don’t see where the money is going to come from and that’s scary. So I just don’t give it.
And lately, I’ve felt really terrible about it, and Egg #1 has made sure to make it worse. He actually said the words to me, “Mom, you are stealing from God!” oh and not just ONCE…which I’m glad he reads his Bible enough to KNOW this, but I wish he wouldn’t TELL me about it.
There honestly IS a reason we are just poor tithers (and this begins the ironic part of my tale). Every time we have made the decision to tithe, something bad happens. Through the years a number of things have happened: truck stolen, truck caught on fire, truck broke down, house flooded, my spider bite and NO insurance, truck broke down again….oh this list could go on and on….
So yesterday, my wonderful Pastor teaches on none other but GIVING. OK, I can GIVE. I can give with a joyful heart and cheerful attitude. I do that a lot! I’ve even blogged about it! LOL Oh….wait…..you’re not just talking about GIVING, but :::GULP:::: TITHING. That’s my kryptonite. I think my roof may start leaking because you just SAID the word! TAKE IT BACK, GORDON! No seriously….My dog may get hit by a car because of it! I think the melting process has begun!
But…this time is different. My blood pressure is not raised. My pulse has not quickened. And there in the midst of Pastor Gordon’s sermon on tithing is God’s still, quiet voice. “You can trust Me.” It’s different.
Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time, or has been to my house in the midst of my chaos or AFTER my chaos, knows the kind of ruckus I live in. I stress all the time over money. I stress all the time over whether or not we have “enough”. I have this secret fear that we will lose everything and have nothing. And I won’t be able to supply for my kids. So in my fear, I stress over everything and work myself to death. I work 11 hour days. I’m trying to start a photography business. I sew and design little girl jeans and outfits and also make hairbows. My days are filled with whatever I can do to earn more money. There were days last year that I literally was sun up to past bedtime sewing or making hair bows, or more often than not, both. JUST to ensure we have “enough”. I don’t want anyone to go without because I didn’t do enough. They don’t have EVERYTHING, but they have “enough”. There is a difference, and even in my craziness, I understand that. I’m not completely over the edge.
So during the service yesterday, Gordon shared all these verses that I know I’ve read before, but they didn’t register. THIS time, they registered. It was that still, quiet voice making sense of what I’d heard before. And when Pastor Gordon mentioned trusting God with our families, that made sense to me. So I decided to do it. Step off that huge canyon of fear and TITHE. I can do that. I can trust God. I can put my faith in Him to care for my family.
So I did it. I put the money I had gotten out to use for something else, away for my tithe.
Oh yes….tithe money has been set aside. It is safely given.
And today, I take Brooklyn to the Emergency room. There is the IRONY!
She was running and chasing the dog and tripped over her adorable new pink sparkly tennis shoes and landed head first into the corner of the wall. The gaping….and the ewwww…and the blood….Oh yes, she’s gonna need stitches. AND…it’s gonna leave a mark. I predicted 4, Mike predicted 5, and in the end, they glued it. LOL YAY! WOOHOO for glue! No holding down, no papoose board, no screaming, no needles of ANY kind…..just glue. And no tears from my sweet baby girl.
And I DID have a nice chuckle over the whole thing too. Well….long after it’s happened, I’m laughing and seeing the irony, at the time, I was FAR from chuckling. And what’s really odd….the tithe money is still set aside. I just had to pay for an ER visit that I didn’t have, and not even one second was the idea there to use that money. It’s not mine and I’m perfectly OK with that. That’s WEIRD for me!
I am trusting God with my family! And I know He loves them even more than I do and I know He wants all things wonderful and lovely for them. And I know He wants all of their needs supplied, so I’m not going to worry. It’s just different this time. I’m going to get my control-freak hands off of the situation, and let God do His job. And I’m OK with it!
Did I just call myself a control freak?
Well anyway, you get the idea. I’m gonna try something new. I’m gonna let God be God, and me be the wife and Mom, not the overworked-stressed out-crazy banshee I had become.
So…ya know….here’s to trying something new…..
And if you have a second, hop on over to my handsome honey’s blog http://stonewall91.wordpress.com/ I fall in love with him all over again every entry he has written….