Let me just share some holiday humor for you…actually it’s not HOLIDAY humor, it’s just HUMOR! I look for it wherever I can….
So, since one of the baby’s comes later now, I can go in the morning at 6 to work out. I do it 3 days a week usually. The elliptical and I have this love/hate relationship going…
Anyway, I go in this morning and have to walk past 5 hot chicks in a row, then 4 empty ellipticals on the end.
#1: It’s hard enough for me to haul my big butt in there, much less have to walk IN FRONT of hot people to do it.
So I take one of the ellipticals that would leave one empty one between me and the hot chicks. I don’t actually WANT to see them in my peripherial vision. And I leave 2 ellipticals on the other side of me.
And here comes hot dude….now hot dude is probably 40, still a very nice looking man, but 20 something hot chicks aren’t gonna be looking….just know this. I’m aware because I’m older and wiser…he, on the other hand, was not given the heads up, and he takes the machine between ME and the hot chicks. He pays ME no mind, I’m the FAT chick, hot dudes don’t look at the fat chicks, they look at the hot chicks. Again, I’m aware…just a fact of life.
Hot dude flexes as he works out. He flexes and he watches hot chicks. He flexes, watching the hot chicks, HOPING they are watching him flex and work out….poor poor man…
So I’m using Egg #1′s Ipod because I do not have one of my own, and I work out better when I can listen to music. So yes, I stole it. Not proud of it, but I gave him LIFE, he can at least share the Ipod.
While I workout, I listen to HIS music, not because I like it, but it’s faster than my Christian music and I can haul some pretty good butt when I listen to the faster music.
On comes this Ozzy song, something about a crazy train or something, I have NO idea what the name of it is, but I am really getting after it on the elliptical…my feet are flying!
Hot dude finally notices fat chick next to him. Hot dude REALIZES that fat chick is outdoing him in front of the hot chicks! This CANNOT be good for hot dude! So hot dude picks up the pace! LOL Now hot dude actually has to WORK OUT now instead of flexing and looking hot on the machine!
Hot dude is now sweating like Fat chick. Oh….the evil evil laugh I am having at hot dude’s expense….
The last song in my 20 min (yes, that’s it…don’t judge…I have a lot of butt to haul here on any machine! LOL) workout, is….well, there are no words for it, it’s just a SPASTIC song. The music is beyond fast…it’s SPASTIC. Again, not a song I’d pick out, but it makes me WORK OUT.
Song comes on and I am REALLY seriously flying on this dumb machine. My legs burn, I want to cry, but the song makes me do it. Maybe I’m hypnotized or something, I don’t know, but I can’t stop til the song is over.
Hot dude now, picks up HIS pace again next to me, to match my speed. And Fat Chick now has to concentrate on what she is doing to keep from laughing hysterically and falling off this stupid machine I hate.
Hot dude is like watching a tennis match: watch and flex for hot chicks, keep pace with fat chick so he doesn’t look like a pansy. He should not have underestimated the Fat chick. I may be fat, but I’m working out, buddy…I have no one to impress here….
Song ends, and I step off the machine….followed very quickly by a stumbling hot dude. A very sweaty hot dude who hates the Fat chick now.
I go get on the resistance machines, and hot dude turns to leave….until he sees Fat chick working out MORE.
Can I just say…
He turns, MID-STRIDE and goes over to a machine not far from mine. I do my 30 reps on the ab-killer, and then walk out.
Followed by the hot dude.
Oh yes…sometimes God is very very kind to me and sends me little bits of humor to keep me from the psych-ward…..Thanks God…You da’ Man…
Hail to the Fat chicks!