Dear Teachers:
I know this is the beginning of school, and we all have grown fat and lazy over the summer (that may be just me….), but there are a few rules I need you to comply with:
These are my precious babies that I am trusting with you. They are boys, and in today’s society, seem to be treated a lot harsher than the girls. Boys are good too. Please be fair.
Treat them with respect or you are toast. I’m just sayin’….
I am a working Mom who is doing the best she can to make ends meet, I am not sending extra supplies for other students. I am not sending tissues. I am not sending Ziploc bags. I am not sending wipies. If they do not know how to wash their hands and faces by now, then shoot me. I am not sending sharpies or extra dry erase markers for you. I just can’t do that. If my child needs it, I promise to send it. But I cannot afford to send school supplies for you too. Said with respect for your position and hard work. Honest.
Please stop sending me everything under the sun to sign, I have writers cramp and I’m not even in school anymore! If you want to know all about my sons, let’s meet, you’ll get all my jokes a lot better. Please do not send me forms that ask about expectations and strengths and weaknesses or I will have to fill them out how I see fit:
Expectations for Egg #2 for this year: financial independence and the ability to do his own laundry. Amen.
Strengths: His arms are pretty strong. His odor after playing outside. And he is a closet genius, you must work to find it, he isn’t going to show you on his own. (but don’t tell him we know his secret)
Weaknesses: kryptonite; his ability to shower or brush his teeth without being told, his jokes on occasion (I don’t know where he gets that from.) 
(actually taken from a real form filled out and returned to a teacher…I will not disclose the name of the sender so as not to incriminate myself. {ahem.})
If you promise to follow these guidelines, I promise:
-Not to go to the school for “meetings” with you outside of conference time.
-to ensure my boys are respectful to you.
-my boys will shower everyday. And brush their teeth. (You’re welcome.)
Get a good nights’ sleep. (Just don’t tell Chandler I took this. HAHAHA)
And I promise I will make sure they get a good start in the morning.
Thank you for all that you do, teachers!
Sincerely,
Austin and Chandler’s Mom
Priceless. I’m forwarding the link to my son’s teacher; she has an awesome sense of humor (and is an incredible teacher, thank you, Lord.. truly). But you didn’t touch on the homework (wait, your boys are older now; they can do it all by themselves). Elementary homework, when coupled with reading logs and band practice logs, exceeds what I had in junior high. And much of it, no matter what is said, requires parental assistance. And when you are in the midst of a menopausal hotflash whilst trying to remember the nuances of the rules of punctuation? It can get ugly real fast.
Your boys are beautiful, and I’m saying a prayer now that they’ve been placed in the perfect classrooms, with teachers who truly will play to their strengths (other than the body odor thing). hugs..
Still chuckling.
And thanking the Lord almighty that Itty Bit isn’t in school yet.
And thinking how much that Egg #2 of yours looks like YOU. Those eyes!!!
And glad to see that gorgeous photo of Egg #3 framed on the mantel.
And starting waaay too many sentences with “and”
And I bid you goodnight and miss ya.
LOVED this letter to the teachers! I felt like I wrote it. hahahaa!!