I’ve never been the popular one. I’ve never sat at the cool table.
Why is it we always strive to? What is it about that popular crowd…the Insiders…that makes them In?
I’ll admit, I’ve always wanted to be In. I longed for the popular clothes that everyone else was wearing, the money that everyone else seemed to have, and the looks.
Have you ever really taken a look at the Insiders? No fat chicks in there. Nope, not one. Not even one funny, fat sidekick. Their loss….because frankly, I’m pretty funny.
And, the strangest thing, I thought once I was out of school, the In crowds would disappear! So, imagine my surprise when I discovered them in the workplace, in families, and even in churches! For one reason or another, I again, found myself on the outside….one of the perpetual Outsiders. I didn’t go to the same high school or college as everyone else, I wasn’t rich (always a popular theme), I didn’t dress my kids in popular clothes (probably what fed my Gymboree addiction with Brooklyn), and, big shocker, I was still the fat chick.
I hurt for my kids when I see them striving for that In crowd too, or when they are teased for being an Outsider.
I was doing some praying in the shower this morning (don’t hate….it’s the ONLY peace I seem to get these days), for various things and various people, and it dawned on me: the people I always seem to strive to be In with….really aren’t even nice people. They are actually pretty selfish people. They make me feel bad about myself. I’ve been striving for the wrong thing and fellowship with wrong people!
I have been in my own In crowd for years and I didn’t even realize it! It isn’t a popular In crowd, and membership does not require a copy of your income taxes, a scale or mirror, or expensive clothes. It does require you to think of others above yourself though. That’s a tall order for most people. Acts like cleaning a church for free, and anonymously for 9 months, or giving to the homeless when your husband is unemployed, or adopting a family for Christmas, giving groceries to a family in need, or traveling to scary places in the world to share the gospel and teach and train pastors…..these are some of the acts that my In crowd does!
The In crowd was originally called the Disciples and most died for their faith, others unjoined because it was too much for them. But, they all followed Christ in one way or another. They learned at His feet and all tried to be like Him.
My In crowd doesn’t worry about who wore what, or who weighs what….they think more along the lines of, what can I do for someone else? How can I share the love of Christ with someone else?
It isn’t a popular group, but it’s a group with people like me in it.
Finally…….I’ve found where I belong.
And I am satisfied with that.
I found the cool table when I realized the voice inside my head telling me everything that was wrong with me was the WRONG VOICE. I didn’t all of a sudden become popular, but I started talking to people that I “thought” were popular. I found some amazing people that were just like me. They might have looked together but they still had needs. I would have missed out on some amazing people (like you!) because the voice of the accuser said that they would not want to be friends with you. I still am unsure of myself but I refuse to pass up an opportunity to speak to someone–popular or not. We all have an amazing story.
I love you, Jan. You are such a blessing! I’m so glad we are friends!
Oh Dana…what a timely message! I have raised 2 1/2 daughters…my 13 yr old is the 1/2 and we are working on it. When the other two were in Junior High…the in-crowd was what we all wanted..but then it dawned on me the behavior of the in crowd is nothing that I wanted for my kids…they were mean and nasty… selfish too! So the third time around I encouraged my daughter to be kind to everyone… to not to think she was cool or better than everyone..etc etc…so far so good…sure she doesn’t get a ton of invites…but I would rather her be home with me anyway! Life is good that way!
yes I would prefer to be a disciple! God Bless!
Beth, I couldn’t agree more! It hurts sometimes to see Chandler picked on or laughed at for sharing his faith, or NOT doing things that everyone else is doing because of his belief in Christ. He is good and kind to everyone, and that doesn’t bring the invites either. It’s hard to be in the world but not of it sometimes!
that is so true love the post
I wasn’t ever in the IN crowd. But not sure that I had a ‘crowd’ to call my own, either. But I was judgemental. Tried to act cooler than I really was (when certain people were around). And not nice to EVERYone.
Or so I thought…..I recently got a message from an elemetary friend that noticed my name. Didn’t remember who he was. But he said he remembered me, because I was one of the only ones that was always nice to him.
Huh? Me? That didn’t sound right.
But now that I’m older, more mature, and found my faith…I’m learning who God wants me to really be. And ashamed that I didn’t have the confidence to be that person so many years ago. But I still find myself challenged these days. Older and more mature doesn’t help that the friends that I’ve made in my adult years are not the people that I want to surround myself with. The people I once considered friends, are the same ones laughing at my ‘new relationship with Christ’ behind my back.
I guess I assumed it would be easier after school too. After we were older. And wiser. But instead, I find this ‘follower of Christ’ thing, kinda disappointing. Not in Christ, of course. But in the people. How does the world get to have a say so, in who the IN crowd is, anyway?
Tell Chandler to stand strong. He wont be disappointed in himself 20 years from now. And he wont have to reinvent his friend list!
And we should have hung out in highschool more!!!!
ahh. This hits home. I was never in the “in” crowd. Now, on FB and at gatherings that I make when I go “home” to visit, I’m one of the gang. But I don’t have the same memories as they all do, because I wasn’t THERE! Not invited, not allowed to go, whatever. And yes, I’m watching my boy walk the same path and it stings. But I support who he is and love him, just as you do your kids. And we have a better understanding of bullying and all of those “mean” things, and I think as parents we are better equipped to help our kids walk through it without so many scars. They will get enough of those as grown ups. Love you, Dana… and you are beautiful….