I told a falsehood. I am a big fat liar. I didn’t think so at the TIME, but as time passes, I can clearly see that I told a great big fat whopper of a tale.
I feel all rotten and dirty and would not feel good about myself unless I told the truth. So here it comes….be gentle with me:
I shared on Sunday the story of the baptism photos I was able to take, which I am still SO in awe of…I could seriously look at them all day. It just conveys the BEAUTIFUL story of our salvation: our trust in Christ and the beautiful visual I see of being washed clean of our ugly sin and past. The pictures of that obedience to Christ simply make me CRY, and I’ll continue to take them as long as people want me to.
I also shared the tragic death of my 50mm 1.8 Nikon lens. And I said, I was OK with it.
I may have been OK with it THEN, but as the week has wore on, and I am WITHOUT it, I mourn it’s tragic death! I still carry it’s dead carcass around with me in my camera bag! YES, I KNOW! It’s TERRIBLY SAD! I CAN’T LET GO!
I picked up my camera today to practice and the only lens I have now is my zoom, and it’s just simply not the same. It’s just NOT. I still need that lens at times, but when I want that crisp gorgeous-yummy-close up like THIS:
I HAVE to have that prime lens. So I lied that I’m OK with it. I’m not. I’m sad. My dreams of a photography business next year will not happen without another yummy lens and that makes me sad. I hate not being able to take great photos right now. I am not OK with a broken lens.
While I’m on the subject of things I’m not OK with, but THOUGHT I was….
This whole LADIES TEA thing I agree to year after year and every time I wonder WHY did I say YES when she asked me?? I am not ladies tea material anymore. I used to be, but sadly, I’m tired now, and I just would so rather not do stuff like that. Instead of donning a beautiful dress and going all out decorating a gorgeous table so all the other ladies at church will see it and ENVY ME, I’d just rather take those same ladies and hang out at a nice restaraunt. PREFERRABLY IN MY JAMMIES!
I work LONG long hours, I have more stress than I know what to do with, and I have no money. My hair is it’s natural color, I am under 40, and I work with teenagers at church! That is FAR away from being even remotely CLOSE to the Ladies Tea-type of people that will be there. I’d LOVE to don a beautiful dress….don’t even OWN one anymore. I’d LOVE to set my table with the beautiful China my sister gave me last year for Christmas (MOST of it doesn’t match and that just THRILLS my little soul to NO END! I’ve always wanted a TOTAL mismatched set! I know, I’m odd, I can deal.) but that requires that I WASH all that stuff! I have neither the TIME or ENERGY to do that! I’d rather buy pretty paper/plastic and rake it all into the trash 5 minutes after the last prayer, go home and take a NAP while all the other ladies are still PACKING their pretty, perfectly matching China!
And I’d LOVE to have that GORGEOUS centerpiece that all those perfect ladies at church have, but where exactly am I going to keep that at? I am the mother of 2 boys! And they are ALL boy! And if I buy that perfect centerpiece, it would take something away from my kids, and ya know, I’m just not OK with that.
So, I’m going ANTI-TEA. If I thought I could show up in my jammies and not be totally tackled and shoved back out the door, I’d do it.
And my last thing that I THOUGHT I’d be OK with, but now I’m wondering if I really am is: Christmas.
This year, I got the idea (not my own) to only give each child 3 presents. Jesus received 3 presents. So, when I made the decision to do the same, I thought it was a SMASHING idea. And it IS. But now I’m really wanting to break that. Not that we really CAN, but if I am able, I’d LOVE to.
But I think I’ll stick to that one. It’s a good idea. I want my kids to be focused on something other than whether or not Toys R Us threw up all over their living room. Who knows if it will work or not, but I’m gonna give it a shot. And if by chance there is money left over, I’d love to buy stuff for our troops over in Iraq and give it to Blue Star Moms. Or buy for another family that needs the help. So yeah, I think I’ll try to stick to that one even though I’d love to “compete” and “outdo” like everyone else does.
So now you know. Sometimes I say I’m OK with something, and I may be at the time, but then life just happens and I’m totally human. Today is my “human” day. I’m not a perfect lady by ANY means and I am in complete and total recognition of that. I’ll never put on those perfect panties and parade around in them when I know I’m not.
But I will always try to do better. Good thing Jesus didn’t hang out with the perfect people either, cuz I’d be in a MESS of trouble! I’m thinkin’ He’d want to sit at my table.
I’m just that normal lady….workin’ too hard….overly tired….and dreaming of a maid…..or cook….a cook would be nice too…..OK scratch the maid, just give me the cook…..oh wait…does a cook wash their own dishes after they cook?….that weighs heavily on my decision here……I’m too tired to wash up after a cook…..
Have a fun weekend ya’ll!