I just sit here reflective this morning. I’m overwhelmed with the experiences of God. I sit here in amazement at what God is doing. But I have to confess my unbelief and I was chastised a little because of it, so I vow to do better.

Up until not so long ago, I just assumed that I would marry this cute guy, we’d have babies, I’d work myself to death, and I’d die an old woman. Honestly, what God could do in my family and what WE could with and for God never really entered my head.

And the last few years, as the picture is coming just a little more into focus as we are drawing closer to God, it is very apparent that God is not content with us just working ourselves to death and dying old people. There is something more out there, and that something more involves MORE from us.

BUT, and this is where the little confession comes in, I have always limited God. “But, I have kids” “But I have a job” “But I can’t do that because of money”. And especially that LAST one, has always stopped us, mainly ME, from doing anything. “How can I do that, we don’t have that kind of money.” “How can I do that, we can’t GET that kind of money”. I’ll admit, rather embarrassingly, even last night after we got home, and I’m listening to the CD and Austin comes into the office. He’s holding his Bible that he LOVES because his dad gave it to him and it’s cool because it’s FROM China, still SMELLS like China, but he doesn’t USE it because I think the print is WAY too small and the translation is too confusing for him. I told him that I would take him to whatever store, I’d buy him whatever Bible in that store makes him WANT to read it and makes God’s Word make SENSE to him because he REALLY DOES have a hunger for it……and my first THOUGHT was “Well HOW are you going to afford THAT??” I know….I’m terrible. But when you STRUGGLE so hard and work so HARD to make those ends MEET…ughhh…no excuses, shame on me. It was limiting God. Lack of faith. And I’m determining to do better. To think better. To blow off that unbelief and blow the ROOF off of what this family can DO.

And I JUST read in Matthew during my quiet time and I have it all pretty with highlighters: Matthew 6:25, “THerefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear (even <gasp> GYMBOREE). Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? (YES! Even Gymboree)” The verse goes on and on and it was like a chastisement for my unbelief and my lack of faith. And no, I fully realize that God says NOTHING about Gymboree in the Bible, that was for my own obsession.

But, in this I vow: I will do better. No more limiting God. I realize that He can and will equip us with everything we need to do what we are supposed to do for Him. Even ME. I’m not “just a housewife and MOM and overstressed nanny, how can God use ME”. He’s equipped me with a TALENT and a CAMERA number 1, and a patience and a LOVE for children and youth, number 2. And I’m supposed to USE those. And He will equip us to do what He wants us to do.

Now to just figure out WHAT.