I’ve said it before….and I’m not proud of it. (Gosh these blogs seem full of admissions of guilt) I have felt for some time God calling me to something but I had no idea what. So I got looking around last night on the internet “just to see”…
Famous last words.
So I found a family whose sole job it is to record mission trips done by other people. And they blogged about it. Their adventures and what they had seen and experienced of God’s power. The PHOTOS were incredible! But the stories of ways they were able to share Christ with people was just…gosh there are no words.
And my heart SANG!
And then I was grumpy the rest of the night. I’m not proud of it, but I was. This is something a frumpy, old housewife and basketball mom could do, and there I sat disgruntled and unhappy with all the doubts pouring over me. I HOPE I’m not the only one that does this: “How could YOU do that?” “Where in the WORLD would you get the money?” “How could you leave the kids and Mike like that?” “You have NO ONE who would keep your kids for you while you were gone.” and of course, the one I suffer from the most, “You can’t leave….you have to have the money!” And there was even a “Well if it’s far and you have to do a lot of walking, there’s no way you could do it. The village would eat on your carcass for months….” Oh yes….I am that sick. I am by no means a “delicate flower”. To put it nicely, so as not to offend myself, I am a woman of considerable…uhh…SUBSTANCE. ;0)
So how do people do it? How do they follow God without all the worries? Or do they? Do other people who GO have the same worries and concerns? I am hoping that in time, and if I continue STAYING in the WORD, it will get easier and all those doubts and fears will fade away.
Now, this morning, I open my Bible to where the shiny maroon ribbon marks my place I ended yesterday and there it is, standing out boldly in little red letters: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone that asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door will be opened.”
And funny, I’m not asking for the selfish things that everyone seems to always use this verse for; no inquiries of a fancy car (I just need the ability to PAY for what I have), no asking for a nice big house (a new roof for mine WOULD be nice though…), my prayers are simple: Lord SHOW me what I’m supposed to do. Give me the abilities to DO them (money to go, someone to keep the kids for me, or a way one or 2 could go WITH me, and the means to continue to pay the bills.) and speak plainly to me as if I was 4 and tell me WHAT TO DO. You may have to shout, and repeat Yourself a few times, but I’ll try to get it. But I DO have a houseful of kids here. Volume of noise rivals the airport.
So, that is my prayer today. “Make me less stupid. Less fatty, less SCARED all the time, and independently wealthy.” OK, the last part was a little over the top, but it WOULD be nice! HAAAAAAAAA!