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Another day….another week…..and this has been a BUSY one. I debated about what to share with ya’ll today, and I kept coming back to this one. It’s a big one….and a long one, but a very personal side of me.

Years ago, when Chandler was just barely 18 months old, I was bit numerous times by a brown recluse spider. I will not share WHERE these bites took place as it is PERSONAL and embarrassing and I’ll just sit on that information. ;0) Pun intended.

I did not have the standard reaction to the bites and by the time I figured out it was something more than mosquito bites, the site was HUGE and I was having a difficult time breathing. At the emergency room is where I discovered it was a SPIDER that bit me!

(INSERT GROSSED OUT, WILLIES, and HEEBIE-JEEBIES here)

At the particular time I was bit, our insurance was changing over from one job to another, so I slipped through the insurance window, into NON-insured hell. Where they wanted and NEEDED to keep me, we could in no way afford admission to the hospital, even though I have a large place on my….ummmm….well….THERE…that measured 10 INCHES long and 6-8 inches WIDE, they sent me home with a large parcel of medications and a pat on the head and their best wishes.

(Now, I must say, WHY in the world, when you are at your MOST vulnerable, and must reveal your tender, bit up backside, does a CUTE physician come in?? That’s just wrong….)

I had a severe reaction to this bite and coupled with the medications (one being an anti-leprosy medication which I found REALLY hilarious), I found myself one night, lying in the bed with my dear honey, and Chandler curled up warm and snuggly next to me…..feeling my heartbeat change. I am lying there in the dark and feeling my heartbeat slow. A lot. And then it would THUD one big beat and beat normally again.

THIS IS SCARY! :0O Lying in the dark, listening to the breathing of your family next to you, and hearing and FEELING your heartbeat slow and in some minutes, I was sure it had stopped altogether, although I know that’s not possible, is a seriously scary time. With one hand on my pulse, and trying to control my breathing, I lay there crying and praying. I have this overwhelming knowing that I was not going to wake up in the morning.

What is Mike going to do? How is he going to raise 2 boys without me? How is he going to pay for a funeral?? My boys will not remember me…they will never know how funny I am….how much I fiercely loved them….

Then my heart would THUD again and go back to normal. Oh no…..there it goes again….don’t slow down…PLEASE don’t slow down….Please GOD! I’m not ready, I have so much to do still! I want to raise my babies! They are so YOUNG! They NEED me! Please Lord….Please Lord….please fix this…..

I stayed up this way praying, pleading and crying until I had this PEACE! I don’t know how to describe it….it was just THERE. The fear was gone. The heartbeat was still not regular, it was still scary, but I had laid my body in His hands and He let me know it was OK.

At 3 in the morning, I finally fell asleep.

And obviously, I am still alive today. And the bites that the drs had all said would rot out to that 10 inch circle and I would end up having a very large crater left behind that would require surgery, is not there. They said my flesh would be eaten away, turn black and fall off….all 10 inches of it. Think about that….that’s a LARGE portion of a hiney to be MISSING! I’d sit lopsided the rest of my life!

The scar that is left behind is about the size of a dime. And it’s just a normal scar. My dear sweet Momma and I prayed and prayed and prayed over that area specifically for a MONTH. And God answered that prayer. All the scary things I was told by the hospital….including the spot re-rotting every year….has never happened.

I had to let myself go into God’s hands and I had to let Him take care of me. And my family.

And now my boys are old enough to know me and know just how funny I am. ;0)

And I thank my God for this miracle He gave me.

That’s my Thankful Thursday.

My Momma and I

My Momma and I

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