Experiencing God’s love

I loved this entire week in Experiencing God! There were so many points it’s hard to sum it up with just a few. This week was on God’s desire to have a PERSONAL and CLOSE relationship with Him.

#1, God PURSUES us. It isn’t a matter of us being good enough, or perfect, a good person who does and says all the right things….that has nothing to do with it (I’ll talk about that later though), God desires US. That’s you….and me….and you and you and you…if you are reading this (even if you’re not, it still applies, but you won’t be able to read my witty commentary on it 😉 ), than He is desiring to have a close relationship for you.

#2, God is not anything like our birth fathers. I’m going to use Mike an example (and I hope he doesn’t care…but he doesn’t read this anyway, so he’ll never know….shhhh…don’t tell): Mike’s dad was an alcoholic, abusive man. In some aspects, I think you can call him a cruel man, emotionally damaging to everyone around him. It was hard for Mike to have a good relationship with his dad because a relationship is between 2 people, if one was not willing or able, totally renders it void. So for Mike to understand that God was a LOVING FATHER who loves him and wants only what is best for him, was a foreign concept to him. Mike fully respected God, feared Him, obeyed Him, but to have that LOVE RELATIONSHIP with Him, was hard to fathom…..until this week. (Thank you, Henry Blackaby, for explaining it in such a way, he fully understood it.) It did not mean he was unsaved, it meant he couldn’t register what a loving Father was like. I want you to fully understand that God is very much the Perfect Father who loves you. He is not abusive, He is not absent, He is not cruel, and He does not leave. Ever. Period. Bank it and collect interest.

#3….I don’t know why I’m numbering them…We do not have to DO anything to be loved by God. For real. Honest. I am a do-er. I feel the need to be doing something in order to be liked or approved of. I was always the one coming early and setting up, and staying late and cleaning. I cannot tell you how many times I found myself in kitchens alone, washing countless dishes after an event. (Now, I’m older and wiser and frankly don’t care so much what people think about me. And I’m tired. No more dish washing for me……ok that was a lie, but I’m getting better)

The point is, I do not have to DO anything for God for Him to like me. He just does. I am to focus FIRST on the relationship, and then I will do. Totally backwards to my way of thinking….but God is so different than anything our human brains can understand. I am completely fulfilled with God alone.

(WHAT IS THAT MUSIC??? Some kind of 1940s style French lady singing….don’t leave the XM radio playing while you are in the office. That freaked me out.) Anyway…

Building that relationship with God meant that I sacrificed some things. I did not have to give them up in order for God to love me. I desired to be closer to God, so I willingly gave them up. I loved Henry Blackaby’s comparison to a relationship between a man and a woman: if we are dating, why do we spend time with someone? Learn about them, but the most important is because we ENJOY being with them. I LOVE spending time with Mike! I desire to be with him. Same goes for my relationship with Christ, I desire to be closer to Him.

For me, I gave up a lot of things I wasted time doing when I could spend time with Christ instead. I gave up some of my tv watching in order to read my Bible or study my Experiencing God lesson. I gave up some worthless message boards with people who are very unChrist-like in actions and behavior (not all of them were, mind you, some were great with encouraging and uplifting ladies!). I see things differently, I react to things differently, and I feel differently. Every day, I read my Bible, spending time in God’s word. Everyday, I read through my Bible lessons (Experiencing God), and everyday I spend time in prayer with God. If He is loving me, I want to be ALL OVER that….I want to be close enough to see it, touch it, experience it…..

And, lastly, if God is pursuing us, if He is trying to build a relationship with us, why don’t we feel it? I haven’t always felt it, and I’ll be the first to admit that. Was God not there? No, I was not there. I skipped out on dinner and left Him with the check. Others just never show up at all, choosing instead to ignore Him. They can’t feel Him or His love if they reject Him. Sad thought.

I had to remove the distractions that took my focus off of Christ in order to build the relationship. And I had to make an effort to focus on Him. It wasn’t automatic, but it was there. Just a knowing, just a feeling….He was there and I was feeling Him, and hearing from Him, and loving every second of it.

From Experiencing God:

He had something in mind when He called you. He began to work in your life. You experienced a love relationship with God when He took the initiative. He opened your understanding. He drew you to Himself.

Don’t waste it. Don’t throw it away. Don’t reject Him.

He’s worth it.

Fix it Friday

Tags

fix it friday, friday, photography

Oh how I LOVE to edit photos…however, today I woke up with an awful migraine, and mine affect my vision, so I didn’t get to play as much today. 😦 I just did some basic stuff and called it good.

Original photo:

I have to say, this little girl is just absolutely adorable! I’m UBER jealous! So sweet! I love the focus on the eyes, love the yummy bokeh behind her. I think the f/stop was pretty wide open which made for a softer face, but sharp eyes that draw the attention.

This photo is NOT mine, so I cannot take credit for the cuteness. 😉 I can only play with the photo.

Basic edit, cooled down the colors a bit, maybe too cool…

70’s action that I adore:

Heartland vintage action, bumped the levels though to make a better contrast between light and dark:

And probably my favorite because I love the crop better, black and white with slight sepia added for warmth:

Wish I felt better…doggonit. Migraines suck. Make sure to check out I heart faces (click on their fix it Friday button), I LOVE their site!

This and that and a new camera

Tags

camera, D300, D90, Ken Rockwell, Leviticus, photography

Oh this has been a BUSY couple of weeks. So I will sum up some of the hi-lights or low-lights depending on the story. 😉

Thanks to the Wonderful Government (and I use that term VERY loosely, mind you…), we are getting a tax return this year. And, because we have been very careful with our money last year, we do not have to play catch-up on a years worth of bills. And this has afforded me the luxury of upgrading my camera!

:::::pause for cheering crowd:::::: Ok, the cheering may just be me…but there’s a lot of it going on.

I didn’t think I’d be able to upgrade my camera (Nikon D80 I’ve had for almost 2 years now) for a long time, if ever. So I’ve been doing a LOT of shopping around and reading every review known to man and trying to make sense of whatever information I read. I need the “Choosing a camera for Dummies” review, but, sadly, I have been unable to find THAT one. Hmpfff.

But I did discover Ken Rockwell, and may have a slight camera-crush on him. He is very knowledgeable, and speaks to us “normal” folks in a language I can somewhat understand, instead of this Camera-lingo that you have to have a DEGREE in just to read the review. So thank you Ken….I heart you.

I believe I have made the decision to go with the Nikon D90. If money were NO object, I’d go D300 or probably even the D3 or D700, but come on…who are we fooling? My Fairy Godmother has abandoned me. Or she’s dead. Doesn’t matter, she’s not present. And I see no one banging on my door to invest in my “company”, so I have to go with what I can afford. Thank you, Uncle Sam. I’ll take the D90 for $1200, Alex.

And because of great shopping, and the wonderful advice of fantastic photographers that I have driven INSANE for the last week and a half, I will be purchasing 3 lenses as well (well 1 comes WITH the D90, but I don’t care, it still counts doggonit).

So, that has occupied a lot of my time. Photography is NOT easy sometimes, and making decisions on a limited budget is possibly the WORST. UGH. But thank you to all the ones that have visited my blog and commented on my photos. Now, hire me to shoot your children. 😉 Have a newborn? I am DESPERATE for new babies to shoot! I am a lover of COLOR, and contrasting photos. And from the looks of my photos compared to a lot of other professionals, I am not run of the mill, and that can be either good or bad. But call me a Photo-whore, because I’m to the point I’ll shoot anything for money.

Wait. Back the truck up. Pause that, and rewind. I will do ALMOST anything for money. Some people are just nasty….I don’t shoot NA-STAY. Nope. Not even for money. And don’t think I haven’t been asked. Twice. EEK!

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I was also called a HYPOCRITE the other day. Nice. Real sweet huh? And coming from someone I haven’t actually ever met either, how funny is that? One of those Imaginary People that live in my computer, has never met me, does not know my family, does not go to church with me.

hyp⋅o⋅crite
   /ˈhɪpəkrɪt/ –noun
1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

I have to say, that really hurt. It has bugged me for DAYS! And then, God showed me something: He had me look at my life, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly, the in-between. If I found anything that was contrary to His word, than the title would fit. And I never pretend, I am who I am everywhere I go. I am not perfect, never have professed to be. I am the same here as I am at home. I am the same on any message boards, as I am here, as I am at home. I am the same at church as I am at home….except my pajamas. I don’t wear those to church. I would if they’d let me, and don’t think I haven’t thought about it. 😉

So after examining my life, I’ve come to the adult, wise decision that this lady can suck it. 😀 If the vine does not bear any see-able fruit, cut it off and throw it in the fire. I will pray she bears fruit soon. The fire is HOT. 😉

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And lastly, let’s have a good laugh together, shall we?

Let’s all say “YAY Leviticus” together…..

You know I like to read the Bible outloud to Brooklyn whenever I can. So I’m doing my daily Bible reading in Leviticus in the bed with Brooklyn curled up all sweet and cozy next to me. Let’s read together…

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel.

“Any man who has a bodily discharge is ceremonially unclean. This defilement is caused by his discharge, whether the discharge continues or stops. In either case the man is unclean.

:0 Oh my…..OH MY!

Great…..are you getting this Brooklyn? She laughs right along with me, and I continue:

“Whenever a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his entire body in water, and he will remain ceremonially unclean until the next evening. Any clothing or leather with semen on it must be washed in water, and it will remain unclean until evening. After a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, they must each bathe in water, and they will remain unclean until the next evening.

Oh that’s lovely….Brooklyn giggles harder which makes ME giggle like a jr high kid in a sex-ed class….wait…..is she UNDERSTANDING more than I’m giving her credit for?? Great….

Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days.

OK, that’s all it says, Brooklyn! Good night, sweetie!

YAY Leviticus!! And my sweet, innocent child throws her hands up in the air and shouts right along with me, “YAY Yabiticus!” 😀

Some things are better left read silently. 😉

So there ya go….a little bit of this….a lot of that…and a new camera coming.

Thankful Thursday-the Basics

I love a blog carnival that reminds us to be thankful in all things. We may not always feel it, but we need to always remind ourselves that we ARE blessed, so be grateful to our Heavenly Father for it. So please check out Iris’ blog.

This week’s theme is the Basics. And not the brand of clothing.

I have been reminded a few times over the last few weeks of just how blessed we are. It seems like we get busy and we forget.

–I have FOOD! Taking on the extra child, although it does make me crazy, and he IS a very busy young man who ate my mascara, having that little extra bit of income has allowed me to buy more and BETTER food! I don’t have to buy junk or cheap food because that’s what we can afford. I am able to buy those healthier snacks for the boys for after school. I am able to buy the healthier meals to help us lose that weight we have picked up over the years. I was putting groceries away the other day, and I just stood in amazement at our pantry: full. Then my fridge: full. And now I’m working on our freezer. I know that sounds silly, but when you live paycheck to paycheck, a full house of healthy food is a BIG deal! And those nights, if someone drops in for dinner, I don’t have that sudden panic of “OMGosh, I can’t feed them….I have just enough food for my family….”. God has provided.

–I am appreciative of the extras that we are able to have: internet, satellite tv, 2 cars, meals out on Sundays (Oh I do NOT take those for granted either!), new shoes if someone needed them, and twice a year…..new Gymboree. 😉 Because I remember a time when those WERE luxuries that could not be afforded. God has provided.

–I always think of Jeff’s ministry and the things he sees and experiences in Cambodia (or wherever God sends them). He came home from the last one with photos of an orphanage there and the photos made me cry. 😦 Children bathing in a fish pond, but they are grateful for fish living in that pond for food and income. Dirt floors but they are grateful for a home with a floor at all. Crude wood bunkbeds with no mattresses, but they are grateful to be off the ground. Children with dirty faces and no homes, but they are happy! (Check out the link above for The Aquila Project, it will humble you!) When you see people living in places like that, you appreciate everything you have!

–And the week after our 17th wedding anniversary, I am grateful for a dear husband. It seems like we are reminded all the time to be thankful for each other because there are so many marriages hurting and suffering around us. Abuse, fighting, affairs, selfishness, parasites, divorce, blended families….it’s a reminder to be grateful for a husband that loves me! We may not always be happy with each other, but the love doesn’t end, the friendship doesn’t end. He may not agree with me over everything, but he’ll come around, I’m sure. 😉 I am grateful for him: he provides, he’s kind, he’s generous, he’s loving, he’s a great Dad to our kids, he gets up early to do his devotion, then spends every break time at work reading his Bible, then ends the day reading it again, he’s a GOOD man. I am not afraid of him, and that speaks volumes.

This week, find a time to be able to sit down and thank the Lord for the basic things you have in your life. If you have a home, or food, you’re doing better than half the planet. Thank God Almighty for it.

Not Me Monday+

Tags

Experiencing God, McKmama, Not Me Monday, photography

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Oh this has BEEN a week, I’ll tell you…

And to start, yesterday was NOT our 17th Wedding Anniversary, and I did NOT take the opportunity several times during the day to smile and wink at my handsome honey. NOT during church either….I wouldn’t ever do that….I am a demure lady.

On our BIG night out, where we actually had a SITTER and could get out ALONE, with NO children, we did NOT end the date at Lowe’s home improvement store. How UNromantic is that. And if we DID, rest assured it was NOT my idea at all. I was NOT all excited to have the money opportunity to finally buy the stuff for me faux backdrop.

And while we were NOT at Lowe’s, I did NOT kiss 2 different men on our Big 17th wedding anniversary Date. Never. If I did HAPPEN to do that, which I DIDN’T, I never would have told my handsome honey about it either. There’s something terribly WRONG about that….

(can I explain really fast though? I was looking at these slabs of wood flooring for my faux background, and it was fast getting more and more expensive to do this background thing, and I was getting so frustrated with the prices on stuff when all I needed was a PIECE of flooring, not the whole 900 feet of it for a LIVING ROOM….just a piece…so when the sales guy showed me the EXACT thing I needed in the exact PERFECT SIZE I needed, and then told me they were SCRAPS and they’d be FREE…..I may have squealed and grabbed his head and kissed his forehead. Maybe. And then the old man that helped me cut the wall trim I needed, when it wasn’t even HIS department, he just felt so sorry for me looking all confused at all the trims for floors and walls and ceilings and I have NO idea what I’m doing….well, when he saw me kiss the other guy’s forehead, he said it wasn’t fair, so I had to kiss his cheek. Yeah….totally not appropriate. Shame….shame on me…..)

WOW….how do you NOT top that mess of massive run-on sentences and horrible, un-lady-like behavior?? LOL

I guess, share the rest… 😀

I did NOT go into my first tattoo parlor on our Anniversary! Didn’t do it….and if I DID I would not have contemplated getting a tattoo after Mike wanted one, and then I saw my Mom’s tattoo that she surprised me with. I am NOT easily influenced to do stupid stuff like tattoos. pshhhh….not at all….

…but, rest assured, my lovely Temple of the Holy Spirit…remains, unmarred.

(I couldn’t possibly think of ONE place on my body that would look good enough to have a tattoo on it. 😉 )

And ya know….I think I’ll end this monstrosity here…there may be an outbreak of upset stomach after coming here. 😉 But please, check out MckMama’s blog for other sweet, demure, lady-like women…maybe they’ll do better than I did this week! HAAAAAAAAAA

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BUT, on a totally unrelated subject, I did want to share something with you guys.

Jeff, our Youth minister at church (kind of my “boss”…blog over there under “The Aquila Project”) sent me a link this week to the coolest site I’ve ever seen:

The Digital Trekker

Just that first line on his page moved me in such a way, I cried:

“Most people see the dirty face of a hopeless child, I see a glimpse of the Creator Himself.”

This was what my heart (and I suspect the Holy Spirit) has been trying to show me for a long time. I know it’s strange, but I want to do Missions photography!

I can’t really explain my emotions when I saw that page….but all I could do was cry. A lot. Mike thought I had crazy….uhh…crazier.

In taking this Experiencing God class, I’m learning what it means to be God-centered and self-centered. Let’s face it, MOST of us lead self-centered lives, in almost all aspects of our lives, I’m a big enough girl to admit it. Even things that we do at church, or “for” Christ, we are still doing them in a self-centered manner.

And in thinking of this later that night, I couldn’t quite figure out why in the world I would want to go to FOREIGN countries, where it’s scary, to photograph in hot, dirty, smelly environments. I like my air conditioning, I like my hot shower, I like my clean. Faith week every year is DIFFICULT for me because it’s: HOT, DIRTY, SMELLY, and there are a lot of BUGS. All the makings of a miserable Dana. So, with my natural eyes, why would I want to put myself in the SAME environment, magnified 100 times, in another COUNTRY? That’s stupid, and I’ve lost my mind.

But in my ever-growing desire to be God-centered, my heart aches with the prospect of doing that. There is excitement there I cannot even explain. My prayer has been for the SUPER-natural, and God is showing me what that could mean.

I have no idea what this all means, or will bring about for me or my family in general, but it’s exciting. I encourage total and complete saturation in God’s word, and the elimination of stupid, worldly distractions. It’s life changing!

IheartFaces-Black and White

Tags

dramatic, I heart faces, photography

I heart faces-kids

I’m finding it SO difficult to pick pictures! I have so many that I’d love to use! And it depends on my mood too.

So, I thought I’d try something different today. I decided to go with dramatic lighting (that I really enjoy). My kids photo is darker and my adult photo is much lighter.

Gosh, and even that one, I just changed at the last second. Hmmm…I am fickle it seems.

I heart faces-adults

This one was actually of Brooklyn and I, taken on my old Fuji point and shoot! So much easier to take self portraits on those rather than the BIG camera. LOL

Anyway, head over IheartFaces and check out ALL their photos!

IheartFaces-Fix it Friday!

I LOVE editing photos! And with Fix it Friday, it’s all in how the editor (ME) chooses to view the photo. And today I did a little more EXTREME editing that I kinda dig.

Note to I heart Faces, if we could use a BIGGER photo than these little tiny postage stamp sized photos, it’s a WHOLE lot easier to edit! Not so much distortion either.

Original photo (not mine)

Just the exposure issues ALONE can be scary!

#1: just run of the mill editing job: cleared the skin, softened the skin, boost the colors, levels and bumped the contrast.

#2 70s action, because that’s just fun. I thought it was still dark, so I bumped the levels and contrast

#3 Vintage because someone else did it, and I really liked it! 😀

#4 B&W with major levels and contrast boost just because I wanted to. 😛

And the last one #5, and may very well be my favorite just because it IS different: Sepia tone with MAJOR bump in contrast and levels:

I’ve learned, that if the photo is for ME I want to edit it to please ME. If it’s for a “client”, then I’ll edit to please them. 😉

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Thankful Thursday-little things

Tags

anniversary, marriage, song of solomon, thankful thursday

Thankful Thursday! Don’t forget to check out Iris’ blog!

Song of Solomon 1:2

Kiss me and kiss me again,
for your love is sweeter than wine.

This Sunday is our 17th wedding anniversary and I continue to love him more and more. Who would have thought 17 years ago, all of this LIFE would have passed between us. All the experiences, good and bad. All the ups and downs, ins and outs….and the children. All 4 of them. Yes 4, we just have 3 on earth with us.

verse 15&16
How beautiful you are, my darling,
how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves.

You are so handsome, my love,
pleasing beyond words!

I love his sense of humor and how he makes me laugh. I love his responsibility he feels towards his family. I love that he is trustworthy and honest, even if it hurts at times. I love his devotion to his children and the joy he has with them!

16 My lover is mine, and I am his.

In 17 years, I am amazed at how much we have grown together, I love him so much! I love that he is not one of those men who dabble in pornagraphy, and he’s never been unfaithful to me. He is a man of God!

His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is desirable in every way.
Such, O women of Jerusalem,
is my lover, my friend.

He is my best friend. My grumpy days, my good days, my exciting news, my grief, he is always there. Some days he may not like it 😉 but he is always there. The years have not always been kind to us, but he is always faithful. I love him.

I would still choose my dove, my perfect one—
the favorite of her mother,
dearly loved by the one who bore her.

I am honored to call him my husband. I am proud of him. The sight of him still excites. I enjoy his company. I still find him to be the most handsome man alive. He is my soul-mate, and he is my friend.

Lord, I thank You for Michael. I am blessed in every way to have him as my husband. Please, give us 50 more years at least together. Keep him safe. Give him favor. Guard his heart, guard his mind, and guard his eyes. Keep him healthy. Give us joy and bless our marriage, please. I am so grateful for this man You have given me. In Jesus mighty name….

Experiencing God 2, day 2 & 3

Tags

Experiencing God, faithful, Nikon D200, taxes

I’ve been busy. A GOOD kind of busy though!

Day 2:

Hebrews 3:7-19

That is why the Holy Spirit says,

“Today when you hear his voice,
don’t harden your hearts
as Israel did when they rebelled,
when they tested me in the wilderness.
There your ancestors tested and tried my patience,
even though they saw my miracles for forty years.
So I was angry with them, and I said,
‘Their hearts always turn away from me.
They refuse to do what I tell them.’
So in my anger I took an oath:
‘They will never enter my place of rest.’”

Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ.

I loved this verse in scripture today. It’s a reminder to stay CLOSE to God, don’t wander. We can’t be here today, and then back away when we want to do what we want. It’s not a back and forth thing: what God wants today, what I want next week.

And it’s always better to follow God’s plan, than mine. I know nothing. He created the entire universe. I’m lucky to keep plants alive. Now really…who’s plans do I follow?

So, what am I to do in the meantime? Wait, and pursue God. Check!

Day 3

Learning to walk with God….

When He comes to a person, He reveals Himself and His activity. That revelation is always an invitation for individuals to adjust their lives to God. None of the people God encountered could remain the same afterward.

Whoah. That’s big.

I’m already on my way to putting things behind me: behaviors, attitudes, sins, thought patterns, reactions, etc.

Experiencing God used the example of George Muller. These are the things that helped him:

-He sincerely sought God’s direction
-He patiently waited on God until he had a word from Him
-He looked to the Holy Spirit to teach him through the Word. (Bible)

These are things that hindered him:

-Lacking honesty of heart (doing things for the wrong reasons maybe?)
-lacking uprightness before God (oh yes, sins, distractions, etc can hinder our relationship with God)
-Impatience to wait for God (poke poke…Dana? Are you listening?)
-Preferring the counsel of men over the Word of God (Poke….really now…we must keep this up? Follow ONLY Me.)

We are to use prayer, Bible study and reflection to find lasting peace about a proposed direction. We are not to follow just one, but several of them. The Holy Spirit will not tell us anything in contrast to what the Bible tells us. So we are to use them BOTH TOGETHER. I can’t follow my own heart or my own ideas or my own interpretations of what I believe the Bible or the Holy Spirit is telling me.

Same goes for the Open Door policy. An open door is NOT an invitation for us to go through it! God can open opportunities for us, but He isn’t going to use only that method to give us direction! If we go through that door without God’s guidance, without seeking Him through prayer and His Word, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

So where does that leave me?

Confused, probably, but that’s nothing new. My job RIGHT NOW is to make sure my heart is so intuned with God, that His thoughts are my thoughts. His ways are my ways. My will is ONLY His will. (And I’m a willful girl, so that could take some time 😉 )

I am to stay in His Word. Not just for this week, or the past few weeks, but every day. Not a fleeting doing-this-because-I-want-to-do-Mission-trips-and-if-I-read-my Bible-I’ll-be-closer-to God-so-He’ll-send-me. Oh I see people with that mentality all the time. Be good real fast, so He’ll pick ME! Do all the right things right NOW, so I’ll look good. But I want my heart to have a lasting kind of change.

So if that means I’ll never read another smutty romance novel, or watch rated R movies with the sex scenes, gossip on the phone for hours about so-and-so, or waste time on the internet talking about useless unimportant things like clothes and house decorating or whatever else they do…..ya know, I’m really alright with that. And I’m also alright with them reading this too. 😉 I’m done with unimportant things. I’m tired of living a halfway, lukewarm life.

THAT is what I’m supposed to do…concentrate on my all-the-way-in, on fire, READY heart.

And…..wait for Him.

Lord, you know my heart. You know my thoughts and my desires. Lord, I want to do only Your will, only Your plans. Speak clearly to me, please, I’m slow sometimes. In Jesus name…

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I’d like to share a little praise too. 😀

This week has been VERY stressful for me so far. We went to a friend of ours to do our taxes and at first it did NOT go well. Because I work at home, there are no taxes taken out of my income and every tax time, I have a small heart attack until I know the results. 2008 I worked more than usual (to get us in a better place financially), so I knew I would be claiming more than I ever have in my life!

So when she did our taxes, the first number had us owing $2700! EEK! NOT do-able! Not even a LITTLE bit! The next number was owing $1600! Better, but still not something we could do. We canNOT owe! That is just something that cannot happen. So I have had more than a few panic attacks this week. And, any dreams of upgrading my camera or lenses or Mike finally getting his 1984 truck into good working order was right out the window!

And I’ll admit, quite honestly, I was ready to lie. I was ready to NOT report some income there because I know the reality of our finances. Lord, I want Your will, but You gotta FIX this! My flesh is WEAK and so is my wallet!

So last night, I went over to her house, and we started completely over again from the beginning and went through it all together. She said we’ll do them with all the income FIRST and see what happens. If that doesn’t work and we still owe, we’ll start taking out income (yes….lying. Don’t judge.)

The last few days, I have prayed SO HARD and so diligently for the Lord to fix this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! But when we got everything entered properly and the number popped up and it was the prettiest shade of GREEN you have EVER seen in your life, I bawled. My head was in my hands and I sobbed like a big baby. There was slobber and snot…it was not a good sight….

I couldn’t believe it. The Lord was faithful. Not that it was a test for Him to successfully pass in my favor, but He did it! And He did it for me! And we didn’t have to lie. So Mike’s truck will be repaired, and I’m in search for a Nikon D200 and a new lens.

And I am so grateful.

Experiencing God 2, Day 1

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Experiencing God

OK, frankly, I’m not sure how to title them anymore…I’m on the second week, day 1… 😀 There ya go.

I understand that some of these lessons are not going to be easy for me to do. This is something that requires you to LOOK FULLY AT YOURSELF AND BE TOTALLY HONEST.

Yeah, that doesn’t usually equal FUN…..

So today, I was tweaked just a little bit today by the Holy Spirit, not HARD, because I am learning, and He is teaching me.

Truth I learned today: We do not sit down and dream what we want to do for God, and then call God in to help us accomplish it. The pattern in Scripture is that we submit ourselves to God. Then we wait until God shows us what He is about to do, or we watch to see what God is already doing around and join Him.

They used the illustration of Noah. Noah was NOT calling God in to help him accomplish what he was dreaming (destroying the earth) of doing for God.

What this means to me: Oh yes….I have some BIG dreams here. Big. BIG BIG dreams. And I know I’ve said them here: be a full-time photographer so that would open up my time to do Missions photography on the mission field. My bills would get paid, and I’d be free to do the Missions photography that I so DESPERATELY want to do. WIN-WIN! YAY!

The problem is, those are DANA’S plans, and possibly not God’s. See, in MY head, it makes perfect sense, however, these could be ALL Dana’s plans, and not God’s, meaning, I’ve dreamed them, and am now waiting on God to just make it happen. That would make God the SugarDaddy, and NOT the Creator of the Universe.

(I think that last statement may have been blaspheme….)

But it makes perfect sense to me. These desires may very well be from God Himself, but the next part of this equation is WAITING for God to show me what He’s about to do.

I am NOT a very good “waiter”. I have worked with children more than half my life, so you’d think I’d be good with the patient thing by now, but I’m not.

So this is what I’m to do: SUBMIT myself to God. Wait.

The End.

Lord, this has been a day of waiting…and worry on more than one occasion. Thank You for calming my nerves and gently directing me to stay still for awhile. Holy Spirit, I am thankful to You for helping me to absorb this lesson properly, and directing me where You were trying to teach me. Lord, I submit. My big lofty dreams, my goals, the things I’d like to accomplish in my lifetime, all of them pale in comparison to what You can do through me. Help me to take the death-grip off and let You fully have them. I will sit. I will wait. And I will be willing to be molded and shaped. Help me with my patience please. In Jesus mighty name….