This is one of those posts I’m ashamed to write. If you don’t want to think any lesser (than you already do 😛 ) just skip this post today. Don’t even bother reading it….
No really…..
It’s alright, my feelings won’t be hurt.
I’m serious, there will be things said in this post that I am shocked to admit to knowing, much less writing about.
Last chance to turn around and read something else light-hearted and happy….I have PLENTY of those posts….but NOT this one.
Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Ready?
The Real Housewives of New York City.
Or Atlanta.
Or Orange County.
And there’s a new one starting….in New Jersey.
I’m addicted.
And I’m ashamed to admit it.
But come on, let’s get REAL for a second….REAL housewives? Since when did we REAL housewives have maids and laundry service and cooks and house managers? Really??
Real housewives worry about paying bills. And cook our own meals. Wash our own clothes. Take care of our own kids. Oh no, we don’t have nannies, and we definitely don’t ship them off to boarding school! Some of us even HOMESCHOOL. I don’t, I don’t have a need to do that. But some of us do….
Let’s just start with New York City “real” housewives:
COUNTESS LuAnn del Lesseps:
No, really….she’s REALLY a Countess! But her kids don’t even get their own glasses of water? The Housekeeper gets it? Honestly? WOW…..and who designated you: Countess of manners? And will you PLEASE teach Kelly a thing or two about CLASS?
Which brings me to:
Kelly Bensimon.
Wait…..YOU don’t know who she is either?? Gosh, I felt like the only human on the planet who didn’t…..oh no….I got that wrong, she THINKS everyone on the planet knows her and worships her…..
This “housewife” drives me the MOST insane. She is self-indulgent, self-righteous, self-important, and seriously in need of medication to help her with reality.
Name dropper. Not a celebrity. Worst part of the show.
Was that mean?
Jill Zarin. One of my favorites…
She cracks me UP! She has those one liners like Bethenny has that makes the show worth watching. But, I wanna add another “O” to her “P O P” tables. Who puts that in their CLASSY living room? Her gay husband TOTALLY missed it with those atrocities. I think I need a gay husband….
“I try to do good things everyday.” OK, Jill, instead of paying $16,000 for a PURSE, send me that money so I can go to Mexico. And China. And Cambodia. Or possibly Africa. It’s for MISSIONS….you could fund ALL my trips….I’ll even wear a TEAM JILL shirt! I’m just thinking look at all the good you could do with that money you just spent on ONE purse. Help a sistah out for crying out loud…..I can’t imagine what the P O O P tables cost….
awwww…..Ramona Singer…
Didn’t like her. And then suddenly I got noticing how she always attends everything for everyone. If their kids are in it, she’s there. If they are in something, she’s there. She’s supportive.
And I LOVE her jewelry.
But she’s very outspoken. Says what she wants to say. And she’s irritating a lot of the time. And cover up your boobs already….no one wants to see that. And while I’m at it, don’t dance. Don’t ever dance. Ever. period
But I love her jewelry.
And when I have the extra money after I pay my personal chef, tip the driver, and pay my housekeeper…..I’ll snatch one of them bad boys up! I’ve always wanted a nice cross necklace!
Bethenny Frankel
Probably my favorite, next to Jill. She’s HILARIOUS! Her impressions of the other housewives are SPOT ON! And her one-liners….makes me want to sit with a notepad and write them all down so I can remember them.
Not sure how she got on the show though…single, self-made, NOT a housewife….but I guess that could be said about almost all of them.
Bethenny’s the one to watch. How she is NOT married by now, I’ll never know….maybe she needs to get out of New York. 😉
So there you go….my take on the….
Huh?
There’s one more?
There IS?
You are RIGHT! How could I forget
Alex McCord
And her creepy husband. {SHIVER} As Ramona said “He makes my skin crawl!” I don’t know what it is about him: ULTIMATE metrosexual, pompous attitude, weird sexual innuendos, probably gay, but covers it up with these weird come-ons with his wife, that gross bikini bottom he wears….gosh, I wish I could pinpoint SOMETHING that turns me off about him……I’ll think of it eventually….
I just find it SO odd that they spend THOUSANDS of dollars on ONE outfit, in most occassions, one PIECE of an outfit, and yet, their house is trash! Seriously….it looked at though it should have been condemned! And them allowed TV crews in there! UGH!
Oh but NOW they are remodeling…..their excuse of “we just couldn’t figure out what we wanted” didn’t fly, and so this season they suddenly have their minds made up…..right. It’s called SHAME. You were ashamed, Alex, it’s alright to admit….lookie here? I’m admitting my SHAME in watching this show…..now……it’s your turn…..ready? GO!
And REALLY? $7 GRAND for a CORSET made out of BURLAP. A piece of fine clothing made from a FEED bag. Oh I WISH I were kidding! Mr. McCreepy paid $7 GRAND for a FEED BAG CORSET. And let’s just get the IRONIC out of the way first:
It’s a FEED bag.
It’s going to be worn by a woman that NEEDS to be fed. Badly.
The word F E E D goes RIGHT beneath her breasts.
And the REAL kicker? The proceeds go to feed the hungry.
Wait for it…..
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
{sniff sniff} {wiping eyes}
THAT was priceless. I needed that laugh today.
Hint, Mr McCreepy: I’m going to Mexico in July. If I don’t come up with ONLY ONE GRAND, I don’t go. Save the burlap monstrosity and give me the money instead. 😀 How’s that? Deal? Let your wife wear pretty things, and send ME to Mexico. And then China. And then, who knows where….
But they DO spend a lot of time with their kids. That, I love. I love seeing that human side of this “real” housewife. Oh wait, do the other ones do it? Didn’t see any other housewives carving pumpkins on their front stoop…..I bet their maids did it for them…..then their butlers cleaned up after the mess. And their nannies showed the kids….
Why do we watch this stuff? I get angry EVERY show, and yet, I can’t stop watching!
Please, please tell me you watch shameful stuff too….you’re addicted to Surviver too, or Grey’s Anatomy, or Private Practice…..please tell me that when you put your kids to bed at night there’s something you totally veg out with. Please make me feel better about myself….
Please?
OMGosh! I am just cracking up.
I have like zero time to catch anything on TV anymore. I used to be an ER, CSI and NCIS fan (apparently, only shows with acronyms qualify).
But I will admit that I’ve caught probably 90 minutes worth of NY Housewives and girl, you are SPOT ON. I just end up getting disgusted after 5 minutes because of all the pettiness – and it’s all over STUFF. There’s so much shameful waste when you and I know where that money could be better spent.
But oh my… wasn’t Bethanny and (I forget her name… oh yeah, THAT’S how “famous” she is) had that little spat over “you’re not gonna be my friend”. Then how “what’s-her-name” relayed it several times totally lying! The only reason it was slightly amusing is because that kind of stuff is happening in real life in my office right now, LOL.
And What’s-her-name set off some ugliness online with the episode of where she falls off her horse and blames the horse. Any riders watching it can see the horse is a saint for putting up with her lack of training. But those kind of people have someone to blame everytime, eh?
All I can say is I really hope those kind of people reconsider reproducing (more than they already have!)
Okay… ahem. Now that I’ve reminded you that I’ve seen all of 90 minutes of this show over probably 4 episodes… 😉
You said it all. I can’t stop watching all the “Housewives” shows, but this was in my favorite. I have to agree with everything you said about each character. I guess you know that Kelly was recently arrested for beating her boyfriend and the Countess’s husband has left her for some princess overseas. I couldn’t believe when Jill complained to her husband about the nice mercedes SUV he surprised her with didn’t have an ipod built-in. WOW!!! It still keeps me hooked, though.
That is so true! I do catch some of the NY episodes, but I was addicted to the Orange County shows – since they first came on. You’re favorites and least favorites were right on. It’s kinda silly though how they are two-faced. And I almost fell out when Jill said they were scaling back on her birthday and then paid $16k for a purse!! I was like you can pay me that money & I will tote your stuff for you! You won’t even need a purse! And then her husband gave her the Mercedes and she complained about it!! Jill is one of my favorites, but she and all the others need a dose of REALITY!! I think that’s why I’m hooked though, because their lives are so different from mine.
Well, count me as one person who has never heard of that show. Maybe it’s not on in Tenn. I am hooked on Biggest Loser right now. I somehow think if I sit in the recliner and watch that show, the pounds will melt off of me. I know I must use 500 calories just watching them exercise! 🙂
hahah, I am with Page! I have NEVER even heard of the show you are talking about but talk about some biggest loser (while I sit on the couch and eat ice cream the whole 2 hours its on) or american idol…. I can talk then!!! 🙂
I LOVE Grey’s Anatomy!!!!! SHHHHHH!!!
I only catch a little of it every now and then but I don’t really have the time. But hubby and I do DVR the Amazing Race and watch it after the news. The racing around the world and getting to see everything and not have to pay for it, who wouldn’t love it. I also love 18 kids and counting & Jon & Kate plus eight, those two draw me in for some odd reason.
Okay, here’s my shameful confession:
I linked to this post from our awards post today 🙂
And before you go all hollerin because I’m being a brat, just remember that you linked to my MUDDY FACE 😉
Seriously, I love ya and just wanted to pass on another well-deserved award. Not that you have any room for any more on your sidebar – what with your IHeartFaces monopoly and all 🙂
And somebody please tell me where I can get a Dana Snyder Suggs photo that she’s selling for her mission trip??? 🙂
Another loser here who’s addicted! I pretty much second every comment you have on each of these women.
As this is an ‘ensemble’ cast, they pretty much do need all these women to make it work, so that it stays interesting.
On the other hand, they really only need Jill and Bethenny.
But Jill and Bethenny probably do better having the other women to react to.
But still………….they could have their own show!
I am addicted as well. Shame. Shame. Shame. I and TOTALLY agree with you on EVERY level-except one… but as far as Kelly goes… UCK!! She is the most pompous egotistical self righterous person I have ever had the pleasure of judging.
But heres where we differ… on Simon and Alex. What you are saying is not wrong… I just want to add a bit more.
Simon and Alex really love each other. They are committed. They have respect for others and treat them accordingly. When Simon was talking about (shudder) Ramona and her dislike of them because of Alex’s nude shot… he talked about how it was hypocritical of them because they were later seen running around with the playboy bunny. Right on! But he then said, “If they were consistent with thier beliefs, like say, always stood up for morality and values, I could respect that… but they don’t.”
I TOTALLY agree!! I think ramona is a mess! She judges everyone and holds them to a standard she cannot even attain! And how RUDE was she to Simon on the tennis court?? Just because he wasn’t as good as her??? Gross.
ANYWHO!!
I love this post!
God bless-
Amanda
Oh I totally agree! You are right! I love that they are committed to each other and RESPECTFUL of each other. Gosh, we don’t even SEE Count What’s His Name anymore! Oh and gee….now they’re getting divorced.
There are some shows I really like Alex and McCreepy, and some shows he just irritates me. But overall, I don’t think they are fair to them, him especially.
Gosh, and look at me calling him McCreepy. I do like HIM over Kelly any and EVERY day! I like him over Ramona MOST shows!
I found your blog though Rachel at Once Upon a Miracle and almost fell over when I saw this post- I’m not alone! You explained these women to a T! Have you ever visited the “Mcmommywood” blog- she’s hillarious! It’s almost all about RHOC and RHNY! Can’t wait for New Jersey!
~Sarah
American Idol is it for me.. truly, it’s the only show that I watch. When I remember it. I’ve seen articles on the Housewives show; I think I’d probably get all stressed and angry, and there’s enough in MY world to raise my blood pressure without going out looking for something new. So, I just do productive stuff, like, Facebook, and Pathwords, and blogging. You know, the stuff that’ll bring in the cold, hard cash (NOT!). :<) But I’ll be all over it if you ever do an Idol update…
your bobsledding team cracked me up! How adorable! I love your work! I am going to spend sometime looking under your header…forgot what you called it! Before you commented about photographing our week I was thinking about doing that! A carnival would be fun! I am in!
Kelly – “self-indulgent, self-righteous, self-important, and seriously in need of medication to help her with reality” SPOT ON!!!! I’ve noticed that she knows all the therapeutic language so figuring she needs to make another appointment to deal with her inability to shut up when someone is trying to resolve an issue with her, get her memory checked on her own behavior, and to deal with her need to have a man swooning over her to feel valuable. She keeps “beautiful boy” around and has him stopping by for a showing just to remind everyone that she’s “worthy”…..get more therapy, and realize that my time (lowly student/housewife in the midwest) is just as important as yours….get a watch! Seriously! Not that she would read this, but wouldn’t matter….nothing that anyone says seems to “affect her life” unless it’s a man or said to worship her!
Jill – Think that she’s awesome, but really needs to get to know Kelly a little more before expecting that nutcase to be able to communicate with a real person!!! It was bound to be a failure…we all knew it, she should have seen it coming. But sooo funny and so giving of herself. Respect her big heart in at least making the attempt!!!
I think we need to be friends. I just read this post and laughed my way through. I’m totally addicted to this train wreck and I REALLY can’t wait to see the NJ show. I think it starts next Tuesday! Awesome… I’m bookmarking your blog. : )