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This is one of those posts I’m ashamed to write. If you don’t want to think any lesser (than you already do πŸ˜› ) just skip this post today. Don’t even bother reading it….

No really…..

It’s alright, my feelings won’t be hurt.

I’m serious, there will be things said in this post that I am shocked to admit to knowing, much less writing about.

Last chance to turn around and read something else light-hearted and happy….I have PLENTY of those posts….but NOT this one.

Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Ready?

The Real Housewives of New York City.

Or Atlanta.

Or Orange County.

And there’s a new one starting….in New Jersey.

I’m addicted.

And I’m ashamed to admit it.

But come on, let’s get REAL for a second….REAL housewives? Since when did we REAL housewives have maids and laundry service and cooks and house managers? Really??

Real housewives worry about paying bills. And cook our own meals. Wash our own clothes. Take care of our own kids. Oh no, we don’t have nannies, and we definitely don’t ship them off to boarding school! Some of us even HOMESCHOOL. I don’t, I don’t have a need to do that. But some of us do….

Let’s just start with New York City “real” housewives:

COUNTESS LuAnn del Lesseps:

No, really….she’s REALLY a Countess! But her kids don’t even get their own glasses of water? The Housekeeper gets it? Honestly? WOW…..and who designated you: Countess of manners? And will you PLEASE teach Kelly a thing or two about CLASS?

Which brings me to:

Kelly Bensimon.

Wait…..YOU don’t know who she is either?? Gosh, I felt like the only human on the planet who didn’t…..oh no….I got that wrong, she THINKS everyone on the planet knows her and worships her…..

This “housewife” drives me the MOST insane. She is self-indulgent, self-righteous, self-important, and seriously in need of medication to help her with reality.

Name dropper. Not a celebrity. Worst part of the show.

Was that mean?

Jill Zarin. One of my favorites…

She cracks me UP! She has those one liners like Bethenny has that makes the show worth watching. But, I wanna add another “O” to her “P O P” tables. Who puts that in their CLASSY living room? Her gay husband TOTALLY missed it with those atrocities. I think I need a gay husband….

“I try to do good things everyday.” OK, Jill, instead of paying $16,000 for a PURSE, send me that money so I can go to Mexico. And China. And Cambodia. Or possibly Africa. It’s for MISSIONS….you could fund ALL my trips….I’ll even wear a TEAM JILL shirt! I’m just thinking look at all the good you could do with that money you just spent on ONE purse. Help a sistah out for crying out loud…..I can’t imagine what the P O O P tables cost….

awwww…..Ramona Singer

Didn’t like her. And then suddenly I got noticing how she always attends everything for everyone. If their kids are in it, she’s there. If they are in something, she’s there. She’s supportive.

And I LOVE her jewelry.

But she’s very outspoken. Says what she wants to say. And she’s irritating a lot of the time. And cover up your boobs already….no one wants to see that. And while I’m at it, don’t dance. Don’t ever dance. Ever. period

But I love her jewelry.

And when I have the extra money after I pay my personal chef, tip the driver, and pay my housekeeper…..I’ll snatch one of them bad boys up! I’ve always wanted a nice cross necklace!

Bethenny Frankel

Probably my favorite, next to Jill. She’s HILARIOUS! Her impressions of the other housewives are SPOT ON! And her one-liners….makes me want to sit with a notepad and write them all down so I can remember them.

Not sure how she got on the show though…single, self-made, NOT a housewife….but I guess that could be said about almost all of them.

Bethenny’s the one to watch. How she is NOT married by now, I’ll never know….maybe she needs to get out of New York. πŸ˜‰

So there you go….my take on the….

Huh?

There’s one more?

There IS?

You are RIGHT! How could I forget

Alex McCord

And her creepy husband. {SHIVER} As Ramona said “He makes my skin crawl!” I don’t know what it is about him: ULTIMATE metrosexual, pompous attitude, weird sexual innuendos, probably gay, but covers it up with these weird come-ons with his wife, that gross bikini bottom he wears….gosh, I wish I could pinpoint SOMETHING that turns me off about him……I’ll think of it eventually….

I just find it SO odd that they spend THOUSANDS of dollars on ONE outfit, in most occassions, one PIECE of an outfit, and yet, their house is trash! Seriously….it looked at though it should have been condemned! And them allowed TV crews in there! UGH!

Oh but NOW they are remodeling…..their excuse of “we just couldn’t figure out what we wanted” didn’t fly, and so this season they suddenly have their minds made up…..right. It’s called SHAME. You were ashamed, Alex, it’s alright to admit….lookie here? I’m admitting my SHAME in watching this show…..now……it’s your turn…..ready? GO!

And REALLY? $7 GRAND for a CORSET made out of BURLAP. A piece of fine clothing made from a FEED bag. Oh I WISH I were kidding! Mr. McCreepy paid $7 GRAND for a FEED BAG CORSET. And let’s just get the IRONIC out of the way first:

It’s a FEED bag.

It’s going to be worn by a woman that NEEDS to be fed. Badly.

The word F E E D goes RIGHT beneath her breasts.

And the REAL kicker? The proceeds go to feed the hungry.

Wait for it…..

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

{sniff sniff} {wiping eyes}

THAT was priceless. I needed that laugh today.

Hint, Mr McCreepy: I’m going to Mexico in July. If I don’t come up with ONLY ONE GRAND, I don’t go. Save the burlap monstrosity and give me the money instead. πŸ˜€ How’s that? Deal? Let your wife wear pretty things, and send ME to Mexico. And then China. And then, who knows where….

But they DO spend a lot of time with their kids. That, I love. I love seeing that human side of this “real” housewife. Oh wait, do the other ones do it? Didn’t see any other housewives carving pumpkins on their front stoop…..I bet their maids did it for them…..then their butlers cleaned up after the mess. And their nannies showed the kids….

Why do we watch this stuff? I get angry EVERY show, and yet, I can’t stop watching!

Please, please tell me you watch shameful stuff too….you’re addicted to Surviver too, or Grey’s Anatomy, or Private Practice…..please tell me that when you put your kids to bed at night there’s something you totally veg out with. Please make me feel better about myself….

Please?

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