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I found this on an old blog I frankly forgot about, and then had a fresh, new chuckle over it, so I thought I’d share for True Story Tuesday!

Enjoy!
I must confess my little bit of funny this morning. Of course, at 6 in the MORNING, it wasn’t so funny at ALL. Not even a LITTLE bit.

Let me preface this story with a little confession: I have a small Gymboree obsession. Some would say, not so small, but we won’t talk to THOSE people. I love Gymboree. Seriously. *LOVE* it. The matching, and the cuteness and the crazy resale value…*LOVE* Gymboree. However, it IS really expensive, so I can only buy new once, MAYBE twice a year, and the rest of the year stalk all my friends with older children to buy their used Gymboree. So she has MOSTLY Gymboree in her wardrobe. And then of course the custom made hairbows to go with every Gymboree line and outfit she has. And it has carried over into purses now to match, and shoes (some custom painted by myself) and bracelets. I joined Gymboree’s Anonymous, but turned out to be a message board for OTHER junkies and enabled me to buy more and more.

It’s bad. But now you see the obsession behind Brooklyn’s wardrobe. And she is seriously the best-dressed child in the entire city of Owasso. I know, because I’ve looked.

So, this MORNING, 6 in the morning, I come downstairs to find the BRAND NEW Gymboree outfit I saved and worked SO HARD to be able to afford BRAND NEW, was covered almost ENTIRELY in grape juice and left to dry and soak in OVERNIGHT! I had cut the tags off MYSELF this morning when I dressed her. And put her matching bows in her little piggies. And put her matching shoes on her little feet. And she carried her matching purse around with her most of the day. *THIS* is the outfit that now lies on the floor in the laundry room, so carelessly discarded like used bubble gum, with GRAPE JUICE literally COVERING the entire front of her little fishy top and matching fishy shorts! Oh the fear that washed cold over my body!

I grabbed every stain remover I hold in my arsenol and treated and scrubbed and rinsed and retreated and rescrubbed. And the outfit lay on the counter in the bathroom with not ONE of the stains budging. Not even a LITTLE bit. I seriously stood there looking over this adorable outfit with tears silently rolling down my cheeks and a black anger building up in my soul for the man that would LET HER drink GRAPE JUICE out of a CUP WITH *NO* LID! Oh the seething anger for this man that I used to proclaim my love for.

And then it happened. I decided to GOOGLE.

Turns out, you can use PEROXIDE on any organic stain and it will come out. AND, you can put boiling water on it, and it will come out. So there I sat 7 in the morning with a shirt and pair of shorts boiling in a pot on my stove. (And Austin thought I was making him BREAKFAST! BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!)

So Mike gets up this morning, and I informed him that divorce papers were already drawn up. The stake was POISED AND READY to plunge into his black heart (it MUST be black if he let her drink GRAPE JUICE WITH NO LID!!!).

But JESUS saved him.

And all stains are out of her Gymboree Tropical Garden fishy tank and matching fishy shorts.

***All events portrayed are real. No names have been changed to protect the guilty. No Gymboree was harmed in the making of this story.***

Written 2008*

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