Right now, we are going through a mini-crisis. I call it “mini” in the hopes of deluding my brain from the possible truth as it is looking right now. Brains can be so easily tricked right?
I’m not talking about one of those crises that you may have to cancel your hair or nail appointment, or cut back a little on eating out. It runs a little larger than that.
At least for today it does.
I’m talking about one of those crises that you have to become totally reliant on God Almighty. And then figuring out if you should shut off cell phones, figuring out if you can voluntarily give your car back to the bank…who can possibly get a second or 3rd job. No, there’s no cancer, thank You, God. There’s no major health concerns, praise God.
But jobs that were once full-time and covered everything and had money left over for things like new shoes, lunch money, birthdays or Christmas…..suddenly goes PART-TIME…..panic sets in fast.
Today is the day I panic.
I own my own licensed In-home childcare because years ago I worked in other preschools in the area and was mortified at the type of “care” they pass off as good enough. Parents should have better options than this, a place they can leave their child and know they will be loved on, held, and have all their needs met just as they would do it. And have their academic needs met as well. I’ve held toddlers for hours til the parent could pick them up after they spiked a fever. I’ve massaged away gas bubbles from new babies miserably in pain. I’ve made sure to give extra love and attention to children whose parents divorce and they don’t understand what’s going on. I’ve done physical therapy on babies with cerebral palsy. Given kids baths when they don’t get them at home. Made children laugh when their homes are not loving and they have no joy.
I am very good at what I do. God has blessed me with understanding how the preschool mind works, and I am very good at it.
But when suddenly, 1 parent moves, and 2 go off to school, and then 2 new families both fall through in a matter of 24 hours….I’m left with 2 empty spots that have to be filled immediately, or I can’t pay my bills.
The kids will still eat, but all the extras like internet access and “luxuries” like cell phones and fun activities for the kids at church, Sunday afternoon lunches with church friends…..and a car that actually fits all 5 of us…..stuff like that, that help to make life a little easier, goes by the wayside.
You suddenly get desperate. And I understand, that all over the United States, thousands and thousands are going through worse situations with losing whole jobs and houses. It’s scary. I won’t lose my house, that’s safe.
But this is the time I question what in the world is going on. Lord, I do what I’m supposed to do. I am reading my Bible, meditating on Your law, drawing close to You in prayer, and teaching my Sunday school class of girls how to pray. I follow where You lead, I do what You’ve asked me to do, I give in areas it hurts, and I am careful to keep myself from evil, I don’t cuss anymore, I don’t read inappropriate stuff, I don’t drink….. I’m fair and compassionate. I help other people, I work hard at everything You’ve given me to do, I’m not a slacker in anything…..what gives? I’m tired. And I’m scared.
I don’t need anything from anyone, that’s not why I’m writing this. Don’t send me money, that’s not what this is for. This is for myself, and someone else going through the same thing somewhere in this world.
No, this is for prayer. This is for anyone that believes in God Almighty, knows that He works diligently on our behalf. This is for all those Believers in Christ to pray and believe with me that He will knock my socks off. This is for whoever else is scared right along with me.
Job 1:20-21 “Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”
Job 42:11 “The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.”
This is where I stand up and declare I will NOT fall back into a life of fear and selfishness. I will continue to trust in Him. I will not waver.
Father, I am so sorry for doubting You when life is hard or questioning Your plan when it seems to make no sense. I want to be a woman of faith, Lord. I want to trust You no matter what happens. Help me cultivate the kind of faith Job had and strengthen me for every trial ahead. Guard my mouth, Lord. Take my thoughts captive and make them Yours. Today, I choose faith over fear and trust over doubt. I choose You through it all.
In Jesus’ name