Do you ever have those times in your life when you realize you SERIOUSLY picked the wrong profession to get into?

We all know that doctors make the “big bucks” (after of course, they pay off the gazillions of dollars they owe for the years and years of school they had to pay for).

But there are some jobs that just really make me realize that I picked terribly, terribly wrong….

At the top of this list would be the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD. I only wish I was kidding about this job. It almost makes you want to fly down to Australia and slap this man……his life is so great. Live at a resort…..and blog about it. {sigh} Why don’t I channel the kind of luck this man has? And can you believe he makes MONEY too?? I’d be happy just to LIVE there, all expenses paid (like his) in exchange for blogging. I could handle that. 😀 I would SUFFER for the blog….really!

OK, I must put him out of my mind….I feel nauseous just knowing he makes $110k a year to blog…..

….and…..redirecting back to ME…

As part of my licensing requirements for DHS (department of human services), I have to have my certification for CPR. And the last time my great social worker came out, mine was expired. OYE! Not good. So I had to renew it.

Easy enough right?

It’s a CPR class. Everyone does that!

Well, easier said than done. My first choice was the place I did it 2 years ago: the Firehouse. Who doesn’t love a house to keep firemen in?


I call said Firehouse……oh….like……12 TIMES and the phone was either busy or no one answered! OK, really…..whose BRILLIANT idea was it to give these Firemen a home to live in, but no answering machine or receptionist to take calls? Really??

Who doesn’t love the Firehouse??

OK, I’ll quit…..maybe….

I could not get ahold of the friendly, but strangely invisible and never working Jarod who teaches CPR. So, onto my next on the list…

I give the friendly “Mike” a call (his number I got from my social worker) and find out it is $100 to take this class!!!

I KNOW!! I KNOW!!! I DID type that right! $100!! As in $96 MORE than what I currently have sitting in my bank account!

And you will be pleased to know, that my filter that monitors messages from my brain to my mouth is still on the fritz.

Heh. Oh yeah…that wasn’t so good. Let’s just say “Mike” that teaches CPR for the Dept of Human Services does NOT like me. Oh no, not at all. Not even a little tiny bit.

Touchy Mustard didn’t really find it FUNNY when I exclaimed:

“$100???? For blowin’ in a DUMMY???” And then proceeded to laugh hysterically until I realized that Touchy Mustard wasn’t really laughing with me at all. It was strangely quiet on the phone shortly before I heard a “click” indicating the call had ended….

….and NOT from my end.

{crickets chirping}

No, I don’t really know why I called him Touchy Mustard either. Can you imagine this brain on narcotics? Or alcohol? Not pretty….it’s sad enough I pro*cre*ated.


So after going through this entire fiasco of calling NO LESS THAN 10 agencies about taking ONE CPR course to possibly save the life of another human being on this overcrowded planet AND seriously ticking off “Mike” the CPR instructor,…..I have concluded:

I need to teach CPR.

For $100 a class. Heh. I’ll even call it “Touchy Mustard’s Puff of Life”. Good, eh? Better than all the B*L*O*W* H*A*R*D cracks I was gonna make til I realized it sounded really bad….and I’ll get all kinds of freaks to my blog. Great.

Forget it. I have had my stupid class now by cute Fireman Lucas from Station 3. He wasn’t so funny either, but he did laugh at my lame jokes. And took my cookies. 😀

And I am pleased to say, I have filled BOTH available openings for childcare, so I’ll be able to pay some bills around this joint! YAY!!

Thank You, Jesus….and I’m sorry my filter’s busted….I’ll work on that….and don’t let Jeff fire me….I really like my “job”, I’ll try to behave. Really.

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