I had the distinct pleasure of photographing my friend’s brand new baby girl. One week old. Brand new.
I dare you not to look.
So, obviously, the past week, I’ve been obsessed over BABY. Thoughts of babies. Dreams of babies. Pictures of babies. Clothes for babies. (Somehow everything always comes back to Gymboree, huh? Wait….I won’t go there. My Gymboree 12-step program has been working. Don’t look at it. Don’t smell it. Don’t think about it and it won’t exist. Hush, just go with me here…I do what I can to stay sane.)
And I’ve been looking for a new carseat for Brooklyn since she is quickly outgrowing her convertible carseat and needs to transfer to a bigger booster that will fit her til she’s roughly 18 years old. (You can drive in a booster right? I mean, isn’t that safer?)
And I’m finding myself drawn to all the little bitty baby seats with cute little strollers that match. I don’t need those, why am I drawn to those? Everything baby….
It’s odd to think I won’t have anymore babies. I won’t nurse anymore babies. No more new little baby stuff. No need for the pink bottle of Johnson’s baby lotion anymore. Why am I holding onto all the little burp cloths and baby towels?
When does that yearning to have another baby go away? Missing the pregnancy belly and the baby flips and turns inside? That sweet baby smell…..
It’s funny to know the door is closed. It’s odd to think I can move on from that spot. When we are young, we know that door is always open, our lives can change again with the coming of another baby, so we hover around that door, afraid to move past “just in case”. Always that “IF” at that end of the hallway: “if we had another baby” “if I happen to get pregnant” “what would we do IF” “can our lives adjust IF”.
So it’s odd to be able to move past that door and know it won’t happen again. I can look forward. I can fully enjoy every aspect of what’s going on here and where we are going in the future. Austin driving in 2 years. Making college plans. Chandler continuing his incredible academics, where it will take him. His last elementary year. Brooklyn starting school.
But also looking ahead: my job, my photography, where God is taking us, what our future holds, our health, growing old with my honey, our church and our roll in it. It’s kind of nice to look forward; to plan ahead; to enjoy everything.
And then you see the soft, sweetness of a new baby….
….and it all comes back. I think it’s in the smell. Nuzzling that neck and breathing in that yummy smell. The little squeaks. The contented sighs….
There’s just nothing like a brand new baby.
And boy did we love our new babies. Transformed Mike from a rough-around-the-edges MAN’S-MAN, to a soft and gentle Daddy who enjoys cuddling up with a napping baby on his chest, or making up Princess stories to tell his daughter every night. He cried at the birth of each of our babies. And he went from a man who doesn’t like to hold babies, to one that didn’t want to share his own. If I didn’t nurse, I’d never get to hold them. Yep, babies change a person.
I’d have 10 more if I could. Somehow we forget that these beautiful, tiny creatures turn into children and teenagers. LOL I want to do the very BEST I can for them, not having to settle for less, so perhaps having 10 more wouldn’t be the smartest thing. So I’ll move passed that door. See? I’m going….my feet are stepping….one.step.at.a.time…..passing that door that is closed…not gonna turn around…..not peeking……
I’ll just photograph them and sneak in some of that baby smell when the parents aren’t looking. And pray that God will help me NOT turn around and look at that door again. Help me keep my eyes focused on what’s ahead. There’s good stuff up there! Lots to be done up there.
And when I get homesick for that door back there, I’ll remember those soft, squishy newborns turn into mouthy teenagers. Turn into whiny 3 year olds who don’t want to wear anything but JEANS all the time. LOL
Life is fun isn’t it?