Thief Taker Borrower-without-asking:
Hi! My name is Dana as you can tell by my drivers license, bank cards, credit cards, and business information that you have in my purse. I’m sorry that I was unaware that you were going to
steal borrow-without-asking my purse or I would have had some money in it for you! I’m also truly sorry that we are pretty poor here and all of my credit limits are so low on all of my credit cards, I’ll do better for you next time, I promise.
If you needed a tank of gas, I would have been happy to help you out had you only asked. But that’s alright, you have a nice, full tank of gas for your efforts, and trust me, with gas prices rising again, I KNOW how expensive that can be right there. I hope you were able to get to where you were going. But, by some chance, if you need a free meal tonight, swing by my church for a nice chili dinner! You don’t have to introduce yourself to me or sit with me at all. But if you choose to, I’ll be the one with obnoxiously pink hair. It’s a mid-life crisis thing….don’t ask….but I do stick out in a crowd! And I’d love to share a free meal with you.
I would love to share some of the things that were in my purse with you though. Well, other than the ibuprofen and Excedrin migraine, you’re free to have those. Anyone that has the need to
steal borrow-without-asking purses, probably needs it more than my stressful life anyway.
But no, please feel free to rummage through there and check out some of the really cool stuff: I have LOTS of million dollar bills in there! No, they aren’t real, I’m sorry about that. They are Christian tracts for sharing the gospel with people! I know, cool, right? Right before we went to the park where you
stole borrowed-without-asking my purse, I had prepared little goody bags for the homeless people with bottled water, snacks, and a little Bible. I was going to put in those million dollar bills and then later thought that would be mean, so I took them out. You can HAVE those! Read them! They are pretty awesome.
There are also lots of shiny coins. No, those aren’t real either. Sad, huh? I use those to share Christ with people. I have a hard time just blurting out my faith in Jesus Christ sometimes, and these help me do it. Feel free to look through there! There are English ones, and Spanish ones too, if you need instead. And I actually think there is one or two Chinese ones as well! I’m all multi-cultural in my witnessing.
I do believe there are also 2-3 small Bibles in there as well. I would love it very much if you’d look them over. See, even though Satan tried to use you to make my already-crappy-life-with-a-husband-that-just-lost-his-job even MORE crappier, God used it for good.
What you did was wrong. I hate to be the one to tell you that, but yes, it was wrong. Pretty sucky too. But see? I am a sucky, crappy person too! I don’t always do what is right either, and yet, God loves me all the same. And, something totally cool, He loves YOU just as much! I’m not a “feed the homeless”, “love everybody”, “help everybody” kind of person by nature. I’m a crappy person that was lucky enough to have found Christ. The CHRIST in me is what made the difference in my life. It made me want to be a nicer, kinder person that doesn’t
steal borrow-without-asking purses. Although, I don’t really have the desire to steal purses….I’m more of the Gymboree thief. Ya know, if I were inclined to steal….it’d be Gymboree. Yes, that’s sad, whatever, I’m grasping for straws here.
I just want to assure you that there are NO hard feelings! Honest! The purse isn’t expensive so you can’t resell it on ebay or craigslist. It was a $25 splurge at Target, which, as you can tell by my lack of money in my purse or on my credit cards, it’s a lot of money for me. And the wallet? Doesn’t even match the purse. Crappy, huh? It was a $4 find at WalMart. And, thanks to you, I get to go out and buy a NEW purse AND a new wallet!! WOOHOOOO!! So thanks for that!
No hard feelings, honest. I forgive you. Truly.
But if you have any questions about the things you found in my purse, feel free to come to church tonight or email me. I’ll answer your questions for you. I hope you find some joy today!
I know I will! God has blessed me with having my purse stolen. Crazy, huh?
Love in Christ,