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It’s that time of year again! Time for progress reports and parent-teacher conferences! Good times…..good times….

So in honor of these time-honored, parent-stressing events, I thought I’d share a little INSIDE information before you head into the class and sit in desks that are meant for 5 year olds. That’s how much I love you.

As a former teacher who gave up her luxurious life in the classroom to teach at home because I generally hate working with catty women to ensure that children in my care would receive the utmost in care and personal, one on one attention. (Yes, it was preschool, don’t hate. I had to do report cards AND parent teacher conferences too!)

Teachers have a language all their own….a sort of CODE, a secret code…and I’m here to fill YOU parents in on it. 😉

If a teacher says this, this is what they mean:

Spirited: busy, may need meds to corral these children.

Creative: does odd things we can’t explain; may include eating paper and/or glue or painting their own bellies under their shirts.

Great imagination: again, does odd things, could be Einstein or Picasso, but we’re leaning toward Charles Manson.

Occupies himself/herself: plays alone, could be he enjoys it, could be his “creative imagination” and he’s secretly planning to eat the cat, other kids are afraid of him/her (or the other kids are just total snobby snots, and in this case, we encourage your child playing alone. Trust me).

Seems unmotivated: lazy, get a reign on this before he fails the 8th grade. Err…I mean…any grade…{cough cough} not Austin at all…..not at all…..

Sweet: a.) kiss up, or b.) other kids are such boogers and your child is the only bright spot in my day. Save me.

Doing just fine: who are you again? Which kid is yours?

Lots of friends: won’t shut up during class. I’ve bought a muzzle.

Talks too much: muzzle didn’t work, I’ve brought in horse tranquilizers. Good Lord, where’s her OFF button? {cough cough} Never written on my report card. Ever. I was a golden child….ahem.

Self motivated: could be good—your child works on his/her own which leaves me time for Dana the girl who won’t SHUT UP! Or,
bad—bossy, thinks they are too good or too smart for me. I’m onto this one….

Really, really great job: I’m onto you parents…I know your son/daughter didn’t do that science fair project on molecular construction. At least you could have made it believable with a solar system or a volcano!

Short attention span/Immature: shut the TV/Video games off for awhile, I’m starting to hear static coming from your child’s head.

We don’t need a conference: CONGRATULATIONS! I am so monstrously busy with the other blokes that scored between mushroom and common house fly on their CCOT tests, that I don’t have time for yours.

We need to schedule a conference: a.) the horse tranquilizers didn’t work and this is an intervention before I wire Dana’s your daughter’s mouth shut, or b.) a child is missing and your “creative” son may have ate him.

Now that you are brought up to speed on our secret code, jot them down and bring them to the next parent teacher conference. 😉 But never ever tell where you learned it. They can make people disappear…..

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