Dear creepy neighbors:

Apparently, the letter to you last week was freakishly enjoyed by lots and LOTS of people. It’s like a car wreck: you are sorry for the victims, you can feel remorse, empathy, etc, and you don’t WANT to look as you go by….

….but you strain your head to see MORE. Maybe we all have a bit of creepy in us. Like when someone trips and falls and we laugh. It’s not NICE to laugh, it’s embarrassing to be in that situation and we all know it.

However, as the observer, we can’t help but laugh hysterically. Sometimes I laugh at bad things. It’s not right, I’m a little off, I’ve come to terms with my freakness.

Which brings me back to you.

I hate to say it because it makes me look like a “not nice” person and I don’t like to be that person. But, really, you’ve gone too far. Just.too.far.

Last week was bad enough. But now:

You’ve added a THIRD big, freakish angel! And it wasn’t so bad from a DISTANCE….

But after you got CLOSE:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Dear LORD, make it STOP!

And then you added THIS:

(Wait. Is she looking at me? I think she’s looking at me….)

I’m not even SURE what that is SUPPOSED to be!

Griswold’s, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! It looks like a small preschooler….but the head is just large…..and like a grown mannequin’s head….with a twist of Barbie…..but the body of a weird bag lady that wears ALL of her clothes ALL at the same time……and PIG TAILS? Good LORD, woman, what have you done??

And those HANDS! ACKKKKKKKK!!!

The hands just give me nightmares. YUCK! They are like DEAD hands. THE HANDS OF DEATH….. Seriously, I’m AFRAID of your Christmas “jolly”.

And what’s with the big stick behind her? Is she packin’ a WEAPON?? (Well, and she WAS staring at me…..)

And then, Brooklyn was standing at the window staring across the street at your house, and then she suddenly screams and declares that “they are ALL BALD!” Like NO HAIR!! They are ALL pulling a SHELTON! (little shout out there…) And sure enough, ALL of them are completely bereft of HEAD FUZZ!

And, being the kind neighbor that I am, I rush to get into the car to do a drive-by-shooting…..with my camera. ;) But by the time I changed lenses on the camera, you had their hair all put back on!

Now, and this is where I get really creeped out: I can’t tell if you had BACK UP wigs waiting in the house for them, OR, an even scarier thought, you REDID their hair!

Deliver me from evil……

So I make my little jaunt to the store and come back to find:

Can you see that?? Let me help you out with your insanity:

Scarves. Seriously? Scarves? Are they concerned that the drizzle makes their hair frizz? Maybe the mist in the air will cause their mascara to run?

HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

THEY ARE MANNEQUINS!

THIS:

ISN’T NECESSARY! THEY ARE NOT REAL! (I’m sounding remarkably like Woody from Toy Story here…..)

{shudder}

But the babies are just left to defend themselves from the cold and rain:

But at least you supplied them with fake PRESENTS.

And the newest baby out there…..seriously…..ummmm….WOW. No words. Maybe a few high-pitched screams…but nope, no words can form in my head:

(Wait, I think she moved. She’s DEFINITELY looking at me, but I really think she moved…..I think she’s already killed the one behind her….wait….yes, I think she’s definitely moving….)

Griswold’s.

{shaking my head}

I’ve called the nice men in the white coats. They have a new little jacket for you to wear. It will help build your self-esteem by allowing you HUG YOURSELF for loooooooooooong periods of time. Go with the nice men. Don’t worry about your dummies….errr….I mean, your possible-dead-family-members in your front yard. I promise my boys won’t steal their hair while you are away.

Pinky swear.

Respectfully

The Jones’. :wink:

The end.

(HI JAN!!! HI JORDAN!!!)

And now that it has officially turned Dec 11: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL BROOKLYN!! Please stay 3 for me just a little longer…..

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