Dear Self:

When you were young and you dreamed of being a Mother, somehow, none of the things that we dreamed about really EVER came true.

OK, except the cute, genius kids.

But when I dreamed of being a Mother, in those dreams, I looked like June Cleaver:  perfect hair, clean clothes, beautiful figure, apron, always smiling…..

NOT, Roseanne Barr. UGH.  At least I don’t act like her!  (I don’t!  I swear!  NO, I DON’T!  Stop saying that!  Take it back!  I’m NICE!)

In my dreams, I had wonderful, smiling children.  Think Frasier and Niles Crane:  intelligent, sophisticated, successful….


Instead, I get the kids from Malcom in the Middle! OK, maybe not that bad, but they are boys and they DO fight!  GRRR!  And my Princess, the perfectly dressed child who was supposed to love Gymboree as deeply as I do, grows an OPINION {gasp} and wants to wear PLAY CLOTHES all the time!  {DOUBLE gasp}

Practice lighting 127

My house was supposed to stay completely spotless (withOUT me doing the work)!   Oh MYLANTA, that sure hasn’t happened!  I’m so busy chasing kids and working all day to mop my stupid floor!  About the time I do, someone decides to dry it for me with their dirty sock-feet!  GROSS!


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Where’s my loving husband and kids to help me keep the house up?  Why are my meals always cold by the time I eat them?  How did it happen that the second I’m done with my FIRST job, I have to immediately start dinner so I still don’t get to sit down til 7?  Alright, who’s gonna do those dinner dishes?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Most days, I’m lucky to shower longer than 5 minutes.  Forget shaved legs.  Make-up and hair is now only done on days I go to church.  And what happened to the husband that was supposed to adore me?  He’s just as exhausted, comatose on the couch.

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This is the stuff no one told you when you were young and envisioned the glorious life of Motherhood.  (Let’s let those teenagers have a taste of MY 37 year old life!  Forget the classes with those fake crying babies….let’s do a shadowing program with REAL Mothers! {evil laugh}  That’ll teach ‘em!)

Oh, but then there’s those nights when you sit on the couch and you have all 3 of your kids piled all around you on the couch.

And the sweet notes left for you with the hearts and the vows of love.

And the beautifully colored pictures.

And when they come home from school and you’re the first person they come to find.

And when they tell you their secrets when they don’t tell anyone else.

Snuggling on the bed late at night.


Yep, it’s those times that it doesn’t matter that you paid for (or COOKED) your own Mother’s Day dinner or that those stinkin’ boys stole your socks again.

And CHIN UP….the bad times don’t last forever.  And those good times are what you will remember anyway.  It might not be what we thought or planned, but rarely is life ever.  Enjoy the happy.  Endure the sad.

It’ll be alright.

And Happy Mother’s Day….just in case no one else tells you.


The tired, fatter version of your former self.  😉