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Letter of Intent

Dear FedEx:

I hate you.  I seriously hate you.

I am dissatisfied with the kind of service you claim to be providing.

EVERY stinkin’ time I have something that needs to be delivered by you, it always somehow comes up missing!  (This is at least the THIRD time this has happened to me!)

I am a control freak, I admit it.  I know this about myself and I’m working on it.  However, when you provide a tracking number for a package, you generally know that the package will be tracked by your client, ie:  ME!

In anticipation of this important package being delivered to my home for one of MY clients, I made sure you knew I was home by leaving my front door OPEN and positioning myself on the couch, reading my Bible so if you drove by or stopped, I WOULD SEE YOU!   YOU DID NOT COME!

So, imagine my shock when the babies woke up at 3 and I check the tracking number and OH MYLANTA, look what I see:


Clear as PETE, it says LEFT AT FRONT DOOR at 12:59!!  WHAT?  NO, NO NO!!  There’s NO package!  There’s NO delivery driver even SEEN on my street!  NO TRUCK!  NO PACKAGE!

I guess this is what I get for expecting MORE from a FedEx driver.

Yes, I said it.  It was mean and hateful and I said it!

Darn it.  (<—-that does say D A R N it, but the letters run together so it looks like I said something worse.)   So all that Bible reading I did in waiting for that package has now slipped out of my brain and I’m mean.  UGH!

FedEx, you caused me to lose my BIBLE knowledge!  Oh yes, you may rot in hell for that one.  Shame on you.

OK, that may be a slight over-reaction, but I’m FREAKIN’ OUT!  This was a very important package for a CLIENT!  AND…..I PAID extra for this service!

That may be really what I’m upset about:  I PAID FOR THIS SERVICE.

So, FedEx, I dislike you.  You suck dirty, rotten eggs.  And you eat pants.

(OK, I may also watch too much iCarly.)

Sincerely (because I really, really mean it, you do INDEED eat pants.)


Thank you, Julie for my free therapy!

Edited to add:  I wrote this yesterday afternoon in my anger.  Now that it is the day that MY client needed her prints she ordered, just think how livid I am.  Oh yes.  I am livid.  I hate FedEx even more. I am sure the lady who took my phone call THIS morning, was not at all happy she answered my phone call at 8 in the morning. I suppose the *3* people I spoke nicely with last night didn’t do a stinkin’ thing. So lady THIS morning doesn’t get my “nice”.