I’ve been wanting to post this for a couple of weeks now, but the timing just didn’t seem to be right. I wanted to talk to some friends about this decision (and obviously, my Mom was the first to know, because she’s my Mom and knows everything LOL) first so they could be praying about this with us. It isn’t something to get into lightly, or to get into for the wrong reasons.
The purpose of this blog in the beginning was to blog about my journey with Christ, and that really had been my focus for a long time. But some things, and some struggles, I didn’t want to blog about, so my blog grew strangely quiet.
I’ve been on the search with God about my Higher calling, and what is it that He wants from me. In my head, I figured it had to be something HUGELY big, that’s what a “calling” is right? Big? Life changing? God moves mountains, so a “calling” had to be like moving to China or Africa, right?
OK, well….that was what was in my head…..it’s scary in there…..it doesn’t play well with others…..
And, I do still believe there is something MORE, but my focus is definitely growing clearer on what it is He is calling us to do NOW. (I believe there are BIGGER plans for later, but that will come at a different time.)
Everyone that knows me, knows that if anyone mentions ORPHANS, I cry. Every stinkin’ time. That gets really embarrassing when it happens in church. ALL. THE. TIME. I have a soft heart for the orphan, well, children in general, but definitely for the orphan. I believe that God put that soft heart there for a reason. So I knew that anything I did would involve the orphan in some form.
I’ve been praying about fostering locally for 2 years now, however, my dear husband has NOT. He is a different breed……he doesn’t have that soft heart for the orphan. He likes kids…..sometimes……depending on whose…..but the word orphan does not make that man cry. And he’s never been interested in fostering.
He’s always said he doesn’t like anyone elses children, why would he want them to come and live in his house?
And then……..last December THIS happened:
We ended up doing emergency foster care for Baby Girl. And God did something miraculous in Mike’s heart! Mike is an AMAZING Dad, so I knew he was capable of loving other children if he would give himself a chance, but he was afraid to try. This way, God forced him to look at himself and see that he does indeed have a very soft heart! But, after Baby Girl went home, it hurt his heart, and he was closed to the subject again. VERY closed.
I’ve told Mike that I thought God wanted us to foster, but he didn’t even want to talk about it. In my Quiet Times, I’ve sensed that God was calling us to do it, but he would ignore me. Then, about 2 months ago, God gave me a verse pretty clearly in my Quiet Time:
James 1:27 (New Living Translation)
Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
So, in my excitement, I text the verse to Mike and when he came home from work, I was in tears and pretty much BEGGED him to at least PRAY about it.
He did agree to pray about it……but between you and I……I knew he didn’t. I knew he didn’t want to and that he wouldn’t really pray about it.
So, I resorted to nagging. I know……you’re shocked right? ME? NAG? NEVER!
OK, well, that wasn’t the right approach either because he only grew hostile over the subject. Then, a little over 2 weeks ago, we were having lunch with our good friends and Mike brought the subject up himself…..only to be a jerk about my nagging. There was crying……NOT by him….there was arguing….BUT, he did agree to pray about it. I also prayed about it, but this time, my prayer was different:
Lord, I believe You called us to do this, but this STUBBORN man that YOU gave me isn’t listening. Either I’ve missed it, or he’s missed it. So, Lord, I’m begging You, take this desire to do this AWAY from me! Stop the tears every time someone mentions ORPHANS, and just stop with the foster stuff because unless YOU change that man’s heart, I’m done.
I’m not God’s bright and shining star everyday. I’m just sayin…….
And I let the subject drop. I didn’t pray about it. I didn’t mention it. I didn’t talk about it anymore. In my heart, that ship had sailed and we weren’t on it. Not even a passing thought ALL week!
(Gosh, I realize now this is terribly long…..maybe I should break it up into more than one post…….)