OK, so in hindsight, the previous post didn’t seem very miraculous at all did it? I revealed I nag, my husband could be a jerk, and I am far from the perfect Christian…..I give up when I get frustrated or confused by God. Nothing at all miraculous in that post.
Except……. that God continued to work, when I had washed my hands of all of it, threw in the towel, and said “NO MORE”.
That was Sunday.
No more discussions. No more praying about it. No more nagging.
And then that very Thursday, out of the blue, my husband called me from work at 9:45 in the morning. He never calls me at work, he can’t! So, my thoughts go immediately to “Oh no, he’s lost his job again!” (Yes, I live in fear apparently, I already said I’m not perfect.)
I answer quickly and he immediately starts talking, like we’d been in this long conversation already, and he hadn’t just called me from work at 9:45 in the morning.
“God showed me a brand new baby girl.”
“God showed me a brand new baby girl. Brand new…..so new in fact, I don’t even know if she’s born or not.”
Complete silence…..what do I say to that?
“She isn’t white. I don’t think she’s all black, but she’s definitely not white.”
I almost dropped the phone. Instead, the tears well up in my eyes so much the kitchen window is now completely blurry.
You see……I’ve seen the same thing. I’ve never breathed a word of this to ANYONE except my Mom, because, like I said before, I tell her everything. A baby girl. Not white. That’s it. And I didn’t know what to do with that, you can’t tell people that because people think you’ve gone insane. So instead, you write it in your journal…..or call your Mom, because you can tell her anything and she doesn’t think you’re insane.
We didn’t talk about it much when he got home, I was frankly afraid I’d dreamed the entire thing. But, he did share it with Austin because Austin gets that sort of thing too. He’s good like that.
I did ask him what he thought we should do now. Do we foster? Where is this baby going to come from? And he said he had no idea, I guess we’ll pray about it. But I’m NOT nagging, and I’m NOT discussing.
So, Friday, Mike comes home from work very anxious, excited, but anxious. And he tells me that he’s worried now. “I just feel like she’s here and we’re not there and she needs us! We need to hurry!”
Yes, I cried again. Don’t hate.
But, I still have ONE large obstacle to overcome: I am licensed through the State for in-home child care and I cannot do both. I cannot foster and work at the same time, it’s against the rules and I know this. But I’m proceeding with fostering because I know this is what God has now placed on BOTH of our hearts!
So, I emailed my caseworker and told her what we were looking at doing and I know already, I cannot do that, it’s against the rules. So, as I’m typing this letter, I pray, “Lord, if she comes back and says YES, then I’ll know it’s You and I’m on the right path. But, if she says NO, then I’ll know it isn’t what You want us to do, and I’ll stop.” And I send the email terrified of the answer.
Within 15 minutes, she called me. She begins immediately with, “DHS has a policy about child care and fostering, you cannot do both.” OK, so there’s my answer I guess…..I got it wrong. Big shock. But then, she continues on, “But we do it on a case by case basis, and only kinship care.” (meaning we have to know them, or be related to them, or know of someone that knows of someone, etc. It’s very muddy water there.) “But, take the classes. Go ahead and take the classes just in case. Take those classes in case you need them and then we’ll re-evaluate.”
Wait. So is that my YES or is that my NO? I’m confused. So I do what all confused people do: call their Mom. My wise and wonderful Mom listens to all of it and I ask her the same thing…..is that YES or NO? What do I do with that? And she tells me, because she is wise and wonderful……”You take the classes and when you are finished with the classes, then you wait for God to lead your next step. You don’t have the answer because He’s leading you one step at a time. You take those classes and you pray!”
I emailed the lady at Cherokee Nations about fostering. Mike’s Cherokee and so are the kids.
And Saturday, our packet came in.
A large stack of papers to fill out. Doctor visits to make. Fingerprinting to have done.
God is trying to lead us stubborn people and we continue to make it awfully hard on Him. But, He changed my husband’s heart. And He’s teaching me patience.
And we’re on our way to fostering because God called us to do that now.
Now that’s a miracle post!