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This post is full of emotion today.  If you are feeling judgmental, please turn back now.

Everyone who knows me, knows this is all I talk about.  I am a HUGE proponent of fostering.  I believe God commanded all of us to help the orphan…even the temporary orphan….in one form or another.

But let me be completely transparent with you:

It isn’t easy.

Some days, I’m lucky to breathe.

Some days, I go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

Some days, I’m too exhausted to even make the effort to cry.

Some days I want to quit.

And some days I miss being “just the 5 of us”.

(I warned you about the transparency.)

It’s rough stuff!  It isn’t for the weak at heart or weak in spirit.  It’s raw and revealing.  It’s draining physically, emotionally, financially.  It’s hard on a family and a marriage (at times).  Anyone getting into this needs to know the truth of the matter.  You can’t do it for the money.  And you can’t do it for a good story or make yourself look good.  God knows our hearts and intentions anyway.

We’ve had a rough week with Princess Tiana.  We have been teaching her to always the truth.  It’s how we are with our own children, and we want to instill it in our fostering babes as well.  If you are honest, it’s less punishment.  Tell the truth and we can deal with whatever else.  We have an open door policy, just always tell the truth.

But, when you are dealing with foster children, the truth means beatings.  It’s safer to lie.

That’s hard for me deal with.  It’s hard to remember sometimes that I am not dealing with my own children, I am dealing with hurt, broken children.

And I can’t stand liars.

So trying to teach Princess Tiana to always tell the truth is important to me!  I want her to speak the truth, even in the times she may get into trouble.  This is a safe place.  But she is accustomed to a place where wrongs are met with “beatings” disguised as spankings.  In the almost 9 months she has been here, her punishments have been groundings (from playing with her bike mostly), time away on her bed in her room, and the occasional losing a privilege.  So she doesn’t have to worry about spankings or beatings here.

So it takes a LOT of time and a lot of determination.  And some days I have it, and some days I’m lacking.  I’m so blessed to have a handful of people surrounding me that I can call and cry on.  That I can say all the scary things going on in my head….and they pray for me when I fail.

This week I have been straying from my One a Day Bible reading plan, and have been prompted to read other things.  I need to find some more quiet times during the day to delve into the Word more and cry out to God to help.  I’m struggling right now and I have to make it through this.  If He can pick me up and wash away my ugly, surely I can teach a 4 year old the importance of telling the truth.

This is the honesty of fostering and sometimes it just needs to be said.

But it is still the hardest thing I’ve ever loved doing!

Prayer needs:  making it through this rough patch with love and raising money for new beds for the foster babies.  I have almost made it half way to the goal, but halfway won’t get them permanent beds!  LOL  Princess Tiana has pitifully grown out of her toddler bed!

Be kind to others, and build each other up!

“For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.” Matthew 25:35