Did you ever just totally feel unworthy? Or like you don’t quite measure up to others expectations of you? I have to admit, I feel that way all the time. Even at things that I know I’m good at, I still have those moments of doubt in myself.
What if I mess it up?
What if I fail?
What if they don’t like me?
Ick. I know.
I had this little dream of dressing all of the Littles (my affectionate name for the 4 little ones, 5 and under) alike for the holidays (yes, it’s crazy….I know), and because I can no longer afford Gymboree (SOB SOB) with 4 Littles, I thought I’d make them.
So, yesterday, I made this little jaunt to Walmart (to pick up formula, again, and paper plates because at this point I don’t care about the planet), and I found little white long sleeved shirts for all 4 of the Littles. (I was so excited. I may have squealed once or twice. OK, technically 4….one for each shirt. Don’t judge.) I have this little idea to sew little matching ties onto the little boy shirts and sewing little Christmas trees in matching fabric onto the girls shirts.
I was checking out and the cashier asked if I was making shirts, so I told her my little dream of having all 4 of the little ones match….and then she asked about the kids…to which I had to tell the whole story…
…”we’re foster parents….blah blah blah…..”
Then this random lady behind me touched my arm and thanked me.
My first thought was “for what?” I haven’t done anything. LOL I don’t pull anyone out of burning buildings, I don’t catch bad guys, why would you thank me?
But her words were so touching. “You take the children that most people wouldn’t want.” <THUD> How can anyone not want children? But I see her point. I know her point. People call them “throw-aways” or “the lost children” or “the broken ones” or as I’ve been told, I collect and love “the ugly”.
Yes, it is hard, and some days I just feel like I’m totally failing or I look around at everything that has to be done (or bought, UGH) and I feel stressed and overwhelmed.
But she thanked me. That’s made me very introspective. I am worthy. God sees me as worthy and wonderful, even on my yucky days when my hair isn’t done but thrown into the ugly black clip, and my face isn’t painted on, or I haven’t shaved in 2
weeks …I mean days. Who wouldn’t shave their legs for 2 weeks and then wear pants to church so no one knows?? Not me. Pssshhhh…..ahem.
God called us to do a most remarkable work, and He will equip us in knowledge and patience and finances to do as He called us to do. So, I will walk worthy….and I will bear the fruit of my labors for Him.
Colossians 1:10, “Walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.”