The price of kindness

When I started writing this lesson, in my head, I’m thinking “be kind!”  I’m a kind person, more people should be kind….I’ll teach them what Christ says about kindness!  But it has gone so much farther than just merely “be kind”.

Yes, God instructs us to be kind:

Ephesians 4:31–5:2 (ESV)

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. …

Luke 6:35 ESV

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.

Colossians 3:12 ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

We are to be kind because Christ commanded us to.  We are to be kind because Christ was kind.  We are to be kind because we are to follow closely behind Him.  The fruit (or evidence) of the Spirit working and moving in our life is love, joy, peace, patience, KINDNESS, gentless, …..So, if we are following Him, and we are obedient to Him (and not only paying Him lip service where we have no real intention of following Him at all) then the evidence of that relationship is love, joy, peace, patience, KINDNESS…..We cannot be merely Country Club Christians and attend church when we want to, but do little to anything else.

So what is kindness?  Let’s see what the Bible has to say:  in Eph 4:32 it says “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as Christ forgave you.”  Tenderhearted…soft-hearted, compassionate…..soft-hearted:  it touches our insides easily.  Tender-hearted:  easily felt.

My sweet Mom suffers from nerve damage from her diabetes, she knows the definition of TENDER!  It doesn’t take any kind of pressure for her to FEEL pain.  That’s how we are to be towards others:  tender, their pain is easily felt.  Our words and our actions should be sensitive to others.  Doesn’t leave much room for sarcasm does it?  (Hey, I don’t make this stuff up!  I just write what God tells me to!)  So, how in our real world can we actually accomplish this?  In a society where “cut-throat” and “down and dirty” and “me first” is the only way to be important or famous, or accomplished or {GULP} POPULAR?  How can we actually learn to be kind?  I believe it is a character that we can accomplish through the Holy Spirit.

I believe it is only with the power of the Holy Spirit.  I believe that He gives us the strength and power and ability to do this, if we let Him.  It is a life change, it is a heart change, it is a mind change, and it is do-able.  And when we give Christ the permission to overhaul our life, and we give up the control of our lives, we see the fruit, or the gifts, and the evidence of the power of the Holy Spirit working in our lives.  We cannot put away the anger and the bitterness and the malice without Him.

Let’s look at the verse a little deeper:  “And be kind to one another (covered that), tenderhearted (covered that), forgiving one another as Christ forgave you.”  Eeek.  OK, here we go.  Ripping off the band aid….quick and easy or slow and painful.  It’s our choice.

Forgiving one another.  “But, God, did you SEE how that person treated me?  Did You HEAR what that person said to me?  Did you notice how they TREATED ME?  I don’t want to FORGIVE them.  I think I’ll hold onto this just a little longer.”  It’s a good thing that Christ’s standard of forgiving US isn’t the same as ours.  We are the keeper of wrongs…our wrongs, other’s wrongs…and God tells us very specifically to let it go.  Forgive others THE SAME as Christ forgave us.  He is not the keeper of our wrongs.  It’s as simple as “I was wrong, I’m so sorry”  “I forgive you.”  Yes, even if and when we do NOT get the “I was wrong, I’m so sorry.”  Many times in our lives we will simply never get that.  Yes, I think it is a character flaw, and it is the evidence of the LACK of the Holy Spirit moving in their lives.  {Ahem}  Sorry, it had to be said.  But, then there are those special times, yes, even YEARS down the line, when you get that email or message from someone that had done you wrong in the past, and they just needed to say they were sorry.  Those are very rare, but they do happen.  In our own heart, we forgive anyway, whether or not you get the apology.  You forgive anyway.  Christ forgave us in the ultimate way:  His death on the cross.  No, you are right, if we forgive others, we do not get to savor the revenge taken on our enemies, we do not get the “joy” of holding onto that grudge and sharing it with everyone around us.  We get none of that.  Instead, we get kindness.  We are blessed with kindness.   Jesus said in Luke 6:35, “Love your enemies, and do good . . . and you will be sons of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the selfish.”

Christ’s love for us is self-sacrificing and self-denying, why should our love for others be any less?  A simple gesture of kindness, a word NOT spoken, a wrong forgiven, yes, it is costly, but wasn’t CHrist’s sacrifice just as costly?

And because this has gotten awfully long…I’ll stop for now and save the rest for later.  Think about it:  was Christ always kind?  What about when He drove the people out of the temple….does that strike you as kind?  😉  Oh, you’ll just have to wait!

As always…..BE KIND!

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Lessons learned

Sometimes I forget that God is teaching us all the time.  He’s constantly refining us to make us more like Him.  Sometimes we close our ears and our hearts to it so we just fly past it without even stopping to notice the lesson.

Today, I stopped and paid attention.

It really wasn’t a lesson that felt very good, but it was a lesson nontheless.

I am obsessed right now with Diet Cranberry Limeades from Sonic.  (Hey, don’t hate….they are yummy-licious!  Especially for someone who gave up her other obsession:  PEPSI.  Yeah, that’s right….give a fat girl some credit here:  it’s been OVER A YEAR and still NO Pepsi!  That’s RIGHT!  Over a YEAR!  YIPPEE!  So I’m trying to find a nice little treat to drink instead of WATER.  ICK, it does get boring!)  Nice little rabbit trail there for you….I’m a touch ADD this morning I think.

Anyway, so on my grocery store days, I like to swing by Sonic at 7 in the morning when I’m finished with my shopping to treat myself for getting up at 6 and going to the store and not killing anyone.

And when I can, I like to treat the person behind me in line (if I can afford it….and if the Holy Spirit prompts me to do it….).  I always imagine sweet, caring people behind me in line that the Lord just wants to bless extra special.  I leave with a warm, fuzzy feeling knowing that Lord has allowed me to bless some random, complete stranger that will have no idea who I am and I will have no idea who THEY are.  (Yes, I fully understand most people will never understand this…I’m OK with being weird to them.)

So this morning, I get my yummy diet cranberry limeade (35 calories WHEEEEE!), and I feel that little prompting to pay for the person behind me.  No big deal.  But then, the lady in Sonic gets all flustered because I had already paid for my drink…..what are you doing…..everything’s all messed up now…..so I explain to her that I am knowingly paying for the person’s breakfast behind me.  Ohhhhh….

So, when I start to slowly pull forward with my nice warm fuzzy feeling and my beautiful cranberry limeade….I hear behind me a RUDE man yelling out of his window at me to HURRY UP!  GAW!  And he revs his engine like he’s going to rearend me!

WHAT??  Are you KIDDING ME??

And my VERY next thought is:  STOP the car before he can even GET his food and snatch that bag right out of his HAND!  How dare you talk to ME like that you RUDE RUDE man!  I just BOUGHT your food for you, you big hairy JERK!

But instead, I just leave with tears in my eyes.  God, did You hear how he screamed at me out of his window?  Why in the world would You want me to bless HIM??  He’s a jerk! 

Because he is a jerk.  Anyone can bless nice people.

Matthew 5:43-48

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? …

UGH!  You’re right, Lord.  Bless that mean man and teach him kindness.  Help him to not be a jerkface.

I am not so naive to think that  buying some random stranger his breakfast will change him and make him into this amazingly, kind man, who in turn, will buy ME breakfast some random day and thank me for teaching him how to be kind.  That would be silly.

But it does make me realize that God is pursuing that man, AND, He is still refining me.  Being nice to good, kind people is easy for me to do.  I can do that all the time, but I do have this fear of mean people.  Rightfully so, or humanly so I should say.  I’ve been burned lots and lots and lots (yes, I could go on, I’m a glutton to please people) of times in the past.  I do something kind for someone, and they are rude about it, or uncaring, or, and I get this one a LOT:  UNGRATEFUL!  So I learn to be cautious with who I am kind to.

And God is trying to teach me to just follow Him and be kind to everyone, even if they are mean and ugly and jerks who yell out their window at me for taking longer than they thought I should be taking.  Ahem.

Always be kind to others!

The reins are slipping…..

Our case worker with Cherokee Nations sent me a copy of our Home Study to go over and review it and after we approve it and sign it…..I think we’re done!  As in…..we’ll be certified with Cherokee Nations as foster parents!  EEK!

OK, on ONE hand:  this is EXACTLY what we’ve been waiting for!  YAY!!!  Seeing God’s plan for our family actually start to HAPPEN…..WOW…..that’s just exciting!

But, on the OTHER hand:  OMGosh….what if we screw up these kids?  HAHAHAHA!  Alright, I may be exaggerating, but I’ve seen it happen more times than I would like.  😦  But, again, let me say, that’s the difference in doing this with God’s direction and God’s strength and God’s power….and doing it for the money.  We don’t need the money.  We don’t desire the money.  And we actually will not be using the money at all.  It all goes into savings to help fund whatever else God has planned for us.  True story.

Which brings me back to ME.  I am a Planner.  I am a List Maker.  I am a Nest-builder.  I like to be prepared for any and all scenarios!  I like to be ready for the “just-in-case”.  And most of all, I like to be self-reliant.  I like to do it myself.

EEEEEEEK!  OK, NONE of that can happen when fostering!  We have NO idea the age of the little girl who is coming to stay with us.  And because we are fostering and not just foster-adopting or just adopting (like most people do), we have no idea how long they will stay.

Let me break it down for you a little simpler so you’ll understand what I mean:

Fostering:  these children more than likely will go back home.  They will be here any length of time; there really isn’t any way for us to gauge a time they will be here.  It just depends on how long it takes for the parents to go through court appointed requirements.  Here’s the kicker with fostering:  NO ONE WANTS TO DO THIS.  These are the kids that stay for long periods of time, you get attached to them, the family gets attached to them, and then they go home.  Everyone gets a nice big fat broken heart out of this deal.  That’s why no one wants to do this.  But, also why we feel led to do this:  no one else wants these kids.  We feel like they have to have a good, safe, loving home (complete with crazy family they will laugh with) to go to, and fancy that, WE can give that to them.  They will learn about Christ and be loved and adored while they are here.  And, my prayer, God will heal our hearts after they are gone.  I just have to trust that God will do that for us.  Especially me because I get attached.

Foster-Adopt:  these kids are ones that more than likely will be able to be adopted.  It isn’t for sure.  But, nothing is for sure in a foster situation.   This is a bigger chance of being able to adopt a baby, but there is still a lot of risk.  Most people who go this route in the United States do this to adopt.  I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but this is the way of the world.  Mike and I have also put in for this too, as well as straight out fostering.  Our desire is not for a baby….we just know somewhere in the midst of it, it will happen.  God has someone for us.

Adopt:  this takes MUCH longer to get your baby.  These children have already had rights terminated, they’ve already been in the foster care system, and the parents have failed to do their court appointed requirements.

So, herein lies my problem, I have no way of planning anything.  I have no idea of an age that will come.  Obviously, babies and children have totally different needs!  And I have VERY little storage space!  If I have a baby for 6 months that needs a crib, where am I going to store that when I’m finished with it?  LOL  Carseats, dresser, twin bed…..and we could possibly be doing *2* at the same time, which means DOUBLE everything!  LOL  I can’t go out and purchase it ALL not knowing who is coming or how old they are!  And will it be a lean week they come or a good week when they come?

This is where I am having to come to terms with……I cannot be self-reliant and reliant on God at the same time.  Scary huh?  So, just as the girls that come into our home will be learning manners and rules and consequences and how a healthy family works and operates…and about Christ….

…..I will be learning about Christ as well.  And how to trust Him to meet their needs….as well as mine.

The death-grip on my control issues I have may be slipping.

I think I’m letting the reins slip from my hands….

Pretty cool.

Always be kind!

Work in progress.

Don’t you hate when you are slapped upside your head by friends, with things that you do….without even realizing you do them?  God’s been trying to work with me, and yet, I resist it.  Why would I do that?  Why would I deliberately sabotage God’s work in my life?

And on the other hand, I can’t even say I didn’t know I did it, I know I do it, but it’s become such second nature for me that I can’t seem to bring myself out of this spiraling down-hill circle I continue.  It’s like I’m a passenger, and I just smile and wave at everyone I pass on this stupid ride.  I hate the ride, but I can’t stop it, even knowing God desires for me to be OFF of this stupid ride.

And yet, I continue to make excuses for myself.  UGH.

So, I’m going to try to hop off of it.  I have to look myself straight in the face, and stop this downward spiral.  I have to take God’s hand and listen to His promises and nothing else.  It’s funny that I can do this with the Youth girls at church, and for some reason, I cannot do it myself.  So…..I’m going to help myself.  What is that saying:  physician, heal thyself.  (Does that even apply here?)

I am a self-loather.  I hate almost everything about myself.  I hate how I look.  I hate my size.  I hate my teeth.  I hate my voice.  I hate that I’m pretty good at some things, and yet not PHENOMENAL at anything.  I hate the self-doubt that is constantly there.  I hate that my head tells me all the time that people don’t really like me.  I hate pictures of myself.  I hate that I’m afraid to do anything.

My friends, 2 different ones, pointed out that I apologize for everything.  “I’m sorry” is always coming out of my mouth, for anything, for everything.  And I put myself down all the time for anything, for everything; my lack of intelligence, my cooking, my looks, my weight, my photography…..everything is prefaced with:  I’m sorry, and then a put down.

I can come up with reasons galore:  I’m a people-pleaser, I want everyone to like me, I was teased in school, I was beaten and told everyday I was ugly (by a yucky boyfriend.  He’s stupid anyway), I’m really not complimented often in life, my Mom made me eat vegetables….who knows.  Maybe I need a shrink.

So, here is my challenge to myself:  STOP.  (I almost added “ya big do-do” and then realized BAHAHAHAHAHA…exactly what I’m trying to stop!  LOL)  (and THEN, I almost added to the end of that LAST statement “I’m a big genius“.  UGH!  I’m telling you, I’m spinning out of control!  LOL)

So, here is what I’m going to do:  I’m going to find all the verses that I can find on what God says about ME and read them.  Hopefully memorize them.  And I’m going to try to go through this little Bible Study on Confidence start to finish.  I’m going to counteract the BAD in my head with the GOOD from God’s Word.  So, let’s see how this goes.

One of these sweet friends did family pictures for us over the weekend and it was all I could do to NOT make her delete them!  All I could see was the negative about ME in the pictures.  It’s so sad, I didn’t even notice how silly my oldest son was being in the photo and how much I love that about my kids. I was too busy cutting myself down in the photo.

And as much as I HATE photos of myself, I needed a new one for I Heart Faces so I asked her if she could possibly take one of me that I didn’t hate everything about it.  That’s nice huh?  “Here, take my picture that I’m just going to hate anyway.”  Sweet huh?  But she did, and I’m going to embrace it and love it.  Or like it.  Or at least not throw it in the trash.

I’m a work in progress.

Here is the picture for I Heart Faces:

(And no, I don’t really shoot Canon.  I had to wash my hands after I did this photo.  😉  )  HAAAAAA!  LOL

Be kind!  (Especially to yourself!)